Killer Karaoke (the missing link)

As promised...

The link to my karaoke-ing down in Florida!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP14BDeBnyE

Enjoy!

Classic Charlie Quotes (Season 3)

• Are you still harpin’ on that stupid global heating movie you saw?
• (Holding a sword) Dude, its amazing! Look at this. Bro, you can chop a camel right in the hump and drink all its milk right off the tip of this thing, man!
• People don’t appreciate their trash, Frank.
• (Holding a big, old stereo) Put this in a plastic bag and boom, shower radio, buddy!
• This is the coat that’s going to protect my other coat, man.
• (Note written by Charlie) Taked baby. Meet at later bar, night or day sometime.
• You threw your babies away! And you threw your swords away! You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats! And you know what? I found them. And I’m gonna raise all of ‘em!

• I’m sitting in my chair. I’m relaxing. I’m getting black out drunk and you’re leaving me alone.
• (After finding out Frank put acid in his beer) Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating, I drank all that shit, dude! There was like a ton of acid in there.
• Nobody minds if I do a little dancing now?

• Well, the knives are real. They’re used for magical tricks. But they’re real. You know what I mean? They’re sharp too.
• I set him on fire.
• Let’s go meet some men!
• Guys! Check out who I just met buying a crossbow. This dude is the shit!
• Dude, do you now how hard it is to find a passionate guy like that these days, they don’t make’em anymore. You should’ve seen how passionate he got when I showed him the dick flyer.

• Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
• (Dee says, “We could get Stockholm Syndrome.” Charlies replies) Oh, my God. What is that? Does that start with a sore throat? Because I think I might be getting it.
• (Charlie’s warning in the ducts) If here by now then bad place be. Trouble time for you when heat comes.
• You’re lyin, we could die, and I never got to fart in your face before!

• Secondly, someone should teach these people how to do a decent hem, don’t you think?
• I’ve been sewing my clothes back together for like, almost my entire life.
• Through you hands? Have your hands been smashed with hammers?
• Relax. I’m still gonna help you make your raincoat with a straw on it.
• I am so confused. Why does she have lightbulbs growing out of her neck?
• They do smell like sausage. It’s terrible.

• I can’t stand it! It’s un-American! Alright, goddamn it. That’s it. They’re gonna take our way of life from us. It’s bullshit. Okay, gang. Let’s solve this North Korea situation once and for all.
• Bracketing is a very intricate and difficult thing to do, man.
• (A door marked private) Oh, shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door right there? The one marked “pirate:? You think a pirate lives in there?
• (Trying to open the door at another bar with his apartment key) How many possible lock combinations can there be?...Eventually they’re going to overlap.
• Hold me sideways and use my head like a battering ram.
• I trash, yes?
• (Charlie singing) Duster, look out, man. Here comes a brother, the man is in a duster. He’s a superfine fantastic man, he loves to wear his duster.
• So you saw me eat that Hot Pocket I found in the garbage?
• We both think kissing is gross…Is it sticky? It’s, like, there’s candy and beer in your mouth.
• Uh, wait a second. You’re gonna blast my fiancée with water, exposing her breasts to this entire crowd?...That’s very cool.

• (The gang talking about getting wooed by a corporate business) I could go for some wood…Cool, we’ll get some wood. We’ll build something cool. Then we’ll go get the money…(to Dennis) How are you gonna be wood?
• Why the hell did we drop a nuclear bomb on Japan? They make all our cars. There are friends.
• Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job-land where jobs grow on jobbies?

• (Charlie singing) Hey, who’s that sexy news guy, It’s Mac. Yes, it’s Mac. And he’s on the channel whatever we make it on news. We’re gonna make it on the TV.
• Yeah, like fire hurts.
• Let’s chop cats.

• You never know though. He could have, like, a little hand or little foot or something….So this guy could have, like, a little hand and a giant body.
• No, I’m Holland Oates. You’re, like, Peter Gabriel. (Mac: Hall and Oates is two separate people) No. Holland is his first name and Oates is his last name, dude.
• I don’t even want to growl. I’m not a growler.
• Glue is for huffing, dude.
• (Charlie singing) Night Man sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams I think I love you. You make me wanna cry you make me wanna die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you , I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down. With your strong arms you pin me down. And I try to fight you, you come inside me, you fill me up. And I become the Night Man…It’s just two men sharing the night. It might seem wrong, but it’s just right. It’s just two men sharing each other. It’s just two me like lovin’ brothers. One on top and one on bottom. One inside and one is out. One is screamin’, he’s so happy. The other’s screamin’ a passionate shout. It’s the Night Man. They’re feeling so wrong and right, man. They’re feeling so wrong and right, man. I can’t fight you, man, when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the Night, the passionate, passionate, Night Man.
• (Charlie singing) They took you, Night Man, and you don’t belong to them. They locked me in a world of darkness without your sexy hands. And I miss you, Night Man, so bad.
• (Charlie singing) Dayman, fighter of the Nightman. Champion of the sun. You’re a master of karate and friendship for everyone.

• Objection. Hearsay. That’s lawyer talk. That’s the kind of stuff you have to do.
• Objection. Extremely racist, man.
• Hey, Frank, what guy hasn’t done some extensive research on his on genitalia? Alright? Don’t say ‘you’, buddy because I woke up to you doing some pretty frantic research last night, pal.
• (During the interrogation of Mrs. Mac) Objection. Leading…Irrelevant questioning…Move to strike.
• Hey, hey, I’m real sorry about that whole heroin incident in the butt, but here’s the deal. I had my butt filled like a Christmas stocking, and I wanted to come, I got a little nervous, everything came flushing out of me.
• We had a good deal going on. We hung out. We...breakin’ records, eatin’ chicken scraps.
• Now my mom, she gets so belligerent and mean when she’s drunk, dude, she’s going to drive Frank right back into my arms.
• I need you to take some of these spaghetti sauce things with all the wine in them…
• Well, I’m not surprised you’re saying that, considering I took a crap in yours.
• Mother, you might be wanting to have more of this turkey sangria, wash that crap down.
• That’s very interesting, Luther. Now that you and mother are opening a dialogue here, I don’t know if you’ve taken any time out of your dinner to notice her ample breasts.
• What you may or may not have known is my mother happens to be one hell of a whore of a man-stealing woman.
• This might appeal to the whore in you. He happens to have beautiful, sparkling, blue eyes that just pop right out of his head.
• You don’t do that! You don’t eat someone ‘cause they don’t have heroin in their ass!
• Mom, mom, can you listen to me for one second?…Don’t ever take Frank from me again! He’s mine now! I got him back, so…

• Absolutey. I hear you. We’re saying we’re gonna do the drugs and then we’re gonna try and fix all the lights.
• (Talking about cocaine) Uh, well, listen, Bingo. We got a bucket of nose clams fresh from the sea. Sweet, delicious nose clams that are looking for a home if you follow me…These are the kind of nose clams that make you want to dance the night away.
• That is the kindergarten behavior of drug dealing.
• Holy shit. Did you guys see that midget dressed like a lawn jockey?
• (After a jockey says something) Holy shit. You can talk?...I would’ve figure if anything, your voice would be like super high.
• And I was looking at the horse. The horse was looking at me. And then it hit me, I think maybe I was a centaur in my past life.
• Lawn jockeys are crazy people, man.
• Horses don’t eat cheese.

• I’m pretty sure those jockeys are raping that horse. They’re raping the shit out of it.
• Hypothetically speaking here do you think you could teach a horse to sit on a barstool and drink beer?...Would you hypothetically pay really good money to see that?
• Is it any crazier than having a dog that bites or sheds? Or a cat that poops in a box while it’s biting you?
• It’s gonna to be me and you and Peter Nicompoop.
• I love you, Peter Nicompoop.

• (Talking about junkyard dogs) They’ll run out and bite you in the nuts.
• You guys know how I love dressing up in costumes. Dude, that’s bullshit.
• Serpico doesn’t like the cat.
• I’m not doing Christopher Walken. I’m walkin’ from this situation.
• This is a stinkin’, dirty hellhole of a town. And I’m gonna clean it up.
• (Delivering an envelope that says ‘4 the Mare’) Okay, Mr. Mayor. Feast your ears on that Spin Doctors Mix…Ho-ahh!

• (Dee: It’s an edurance competition) We’re gonna be enduring free promotion on the radio.
• (After reading Paddy’s Pub is the prize) No, no. I put the bar under the “Pride” section, things that you’re proud of.
• Your illiteracy is screwing us over.
• Well you’ve never seen me wash my testicles either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t do it every Friday.
• (Being accused of having lice) That’s glitter. I tried to make myself look a little fancy for this dance competition.
• And you’re like, made of cream, and your cream is all over his face, man.
• And I’m about to show you the white-hot cream of an eighth grade boy.
• (After eating a brownie filled with sedatives) Karate, snow machine, chop set…I’m chopping all over my action, and mostly power.

Classic Charlie Quotes (Season 2)

• Dee, money? I mean what are you going to do at a strip club?
• (When they didn't have a coin) Why don’t we flip that piece of wood?
• Frank, if you buy me this costume I’m going to show the ladies a war hero they can’t take their eyes off of.
• You don’t do that to a vet, you don’t box in a vet, you don’t stick him in a corner…I didn’t fight no God damn war just to be boxed in…Commie ass piece of shit!
• War her, war hero coming through here, kind of a big deal, how ya doin’, war hero…war hero, so…alright, alright.

• (Talking about Israel being too dangerous) Oh yeah, you got the whole tsunami thing, and well the Superdome thing, one of the places over there.
• This is America, you can’t just come in here and steal our land…
• Do not put peanut butter on that, a grilled Charlie has peanut butter last,…peanut butter outside, chocolate inside, butter inside, cheese outside.
• Where are your balls dude, where are you balls? You’re a grown man, think about your balls…where are your balls swaying?
• …I can’t even mention your balls around you.
• Let’s throw a flaming bag of poop in the window.
• (Holding a carton of eggs) I got something that’s going to send friend on the first train back to Israel.
• (Sheets hanging in his apartment) Do you think we can make this more like a cave?
• What, you don’t think I feel sick? I’m sick, I feel very sick, but I directed the shit out of this video, this stuff is gold.
• Can I throw a bag of poop in the window?
• (After the FBI found their Jihad tape) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh, shit!

• Right, this is good, this is shady, Frank, I like this kind of stuff.
• Respect the plight!
• You’re going to cheat yourself out of a good glove.
• I’m going to get nice and drunk and play video games until my eyes bleed.

• (Looking at a calculater) What are youuuu?
• (Talking to Dee) It’s not sex I want from you…it’s sex I don’t want from Dennis.

• Girls can’t pull trucks through the snow.
• Hey guys…I can handle a chair.
• I’m going to take one second to take my shirt of, then you’re going to die!

• (When asked why he told the judge he was drunk) I thought it would get me off the hook.
• I’m not an alcoholic actually, yeah I’m only here because I got a little drunk and threw a flaming bag of feces in a building and it kinda burnt down a little bit, but I wasn’t trying to burn it down. I was trying to make the place smell real bad and trying to get ride of this guy…this guy knows what I’m talking about.
• This will be like a platonic sponsor, sponsoree type of thing (looks at the waitress’ number) sh--, I was so close.
• (To the waitress) So tell me about you. What kind of music to you listen to? What’s your favorite color? Have you ever owned a dog, do you want to own a dog?

• Yeah, I’ll be your Peter.
• I got the Lord, I got the good Lord, I got the good Lord he’s going down on me, he’s going down, I got the good Lord going down on me.
• Hear me out of a second. Technically, that stain did appear to me, also I’m familiar with carpentry and I don’t know who my father is, so…am I the Messiah? I don’t know, I could be. I’m not ruling it out.
• Here a confession, I’m in love with a man. A man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha!
• Hey Moses kick your shoes off come on and walk around this burning bush, you know that’s like asking me to take my shoes off and stand on a hot plate. I’m not going to do it…unless God asked me to do it. Then I am just like Moses, because his feet aren’t going to get burned. No, God is going to reward him with some sweet ass shoes. You risk you feet you get some shoes…Trust in God and He’ll give you shoes.

• You’re going to get your ass blasted.
• Dennis, Dennis, hobo-vertising, that’s not you. Oh, it’s cheap, it’s cheap politics. I mean, it’s not going to get us that bribe. You need to be shaking hands and kissing babies…
• Wait, so first you wash your hands of politics, then you want back on, that’s called flip-flopping, Mac, that’s what Democrats do.
• If I hear one more flip flop out of you, I’m going to throw up in my mouth.
• (Script written by Charlie for Dennis’ campaign) Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I’m hot. Taxes, they’ll be lower. The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do.
• (Reading a short note) It first says ‘meet’ and then there’s some other stuff.

• You wan to throw down with me, little actor boy? You want to throw with a patriot?
• I’m a protestor, right? I’m a patriot, give me that…
• What the hell’s a diaphragm?...It goes in the lady and block the babies out.
• (Singing) I’m gonna rise up, I’m gonna kick a little ass. I’m gonna kick some ass in the USA. I’m gonna climb a mountain. I’m gonna sew a flag. I’m gonna fly on an eagle. I’m gonna kick some butt. I’m gonna drive a big truck. I’m gonna kick some ass. I’m gonna rise up. I’m gonna kick some ass. Rock, Flag, and Eagle!
• Get out of here, get out of here. If you come to this bar you’re going to get cancer and die!
• I live in give-up America

• This is some bullshit. You guys have two dads, and I don’t even have one.
• You should see how hard we’re getting…

Classic Charlie Quotes (Season 1)

• So now you’re like a word genius and everything I say you twist around and make me look dumb.
• Mac, what’s God’s stance on blood tests?
• I will smash your face into a jelly.

• Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Give me so eyes, look at me…cool your jets…beat it!
• That’s Tammy, Trey’s ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Maureen Canallas saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timmy at a party but she was only doing it to make Trey jealous, because you know, she thought Trey secretly liked Erin Henerbry but Trey didn’t like Erin Henerbry. It was all a bunch of bullshit.

• Hey-yoooo! What’s going on? I gotta pee!
• I feel like a…like an ice cream sundae!
• You gotta crack a few eggs to make an omlette…I’m cracking eggs of wisdom!

• (After shooting the gun for the first time) I feel focused and bad-ass and…badass!
• I still kinda wish you didn’t shoot me.

• (After Dennis’ grandpa asked Charlie for some help) I’m not very comfortable with that, first of all I don’t even know which one of these I would unplug…
• It’s always fun to burn things.

• I gotta say my favorite part at the end there, when we were all hugging, my sister screamed and told everyone I touched her vagina…
• And the best part actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks I got molested, so in a way, my life is ruined, in the mean time, I’m going to go to the back office and cry and cry and cry and drink for awhile.

While Throwing Bones...

So I was throwing bones with the family tonight (playing dominoes)...and the following conversation took place:

my mom said, "Darn, I got the fat one" (one domino was fatter than the others)
then I said, "That's what she said"
then she said, "I don't get it...yes, I got the fat one to fit" (in the domino tray)
then I said, "That's what she said"
then she said, "Someone is going to have to seriously explain this to me!"

72 Reasons Why Andrew Jackson is the Most Bad-Ass President of the United States of America

Gaunt but striking, with a formidable head of white hair, sixty-five years old that winter, stood six-foot one and weight 140 pounds over a midday glass of whiskey in the White House…

1.“I was born a storm and a calm does not suit me.” ~Andrew Jackson
2.God was the only will Jackson ever bowed to, and he did not do even that without a fight.
3.At a young age, when some boys played practical jokes on him (putting extra gun powder in a musket which recoiled more than expected and put him to the ground), he threatened to kill them if they laughed.
4.At 14, he tried to fight the British, but was captured. Instead of being submissive to their power by shining their boots, he refused and asked to be treated as a POW. He got a large scare on his forehead after being struck with the blunt end of a sword.
5.He models himself as being triumphant over a larger foe by comparing himself to King David.
6.His all-time favorite hero was Scotland’s William Wallace.
7.Soon after completing law school, he challenged the first lawyer he ever tried a case against to a duel.
8.Andrew Jackson told Robards, the current husband of his eventual wife, “If I had such a wife, I would not willingly bring a tear to her beautiful eyes.” To which Robards replies, “Well perhaps...she is not your wife.” Two year later, Andrew Jackson married her.
9.While being chased by Indians, Andrew Jackson rowed across river rapids to save him and two friends. One friend said, “You were within an ace, sir, of being dashed to pieces.” Andrew Jackson responded, “A miss is as good as a mile, it only shows how close I can graze danger, but we have no time to lose, follow me and I will save you yet.”
10.A man made a remark about his wife so, naturally, Andrew Jackson challenged him to a duel. He let the man shoot first which struck him in the chest. Andrew Jackson, then, looked up cooly and shot the man dead. The bullet remained with Andrew Jackson the rest of his life.
11.After being shot by this man, he looked down at his severe wound and said without flinching, “If he had shot me through the brain, I still would have killed him.”
12.While Andrew Jackson was a judge, he was overseeing a case where a man cut off the ears of his child during a drunken episode. He refused to turn himself in and the sheriff was too scared to go, so he asked Jackson to come along. Jackson went up to the door and said, “Now, surrender, you infernal villain, this instant or I’ll blow you through.” The man walked outside, dropped his guns and said, “I will surrender to you, sir, but no one else.
13.During an Indian battle many soldiers were sick and sounded when the government refused them any more wagons or horses. Jackson, then, made all officers including himself give up their horse. “Not a man, sir, must be left behind.”
14.When Jackson saw a man who previously insulted a friend, he chased after him with a horsewhip and a pistol. Jackson was shot and wounded but still tried to kill the man. Later surgeons said his armed needed to be amputated. Andrew Jackson simply replied, “I’ll keep my arm.”
15.Andrew Jackson imposed martial law in New Orleans during the War of 1812 and defied the writ of habeas corpus. Year later, Lincoln cited Jackson’s precedent during the Civil War.
16.His victory in New Orleans was cited as being reminiscent of Shakespeare’s Henry V at Agincourt.
17.After New Orleans, a priest thanked God for sending Jackson and said, “It is Him we intend to praise, when considering you general, as the man of His right hand.”
18.During an Indian battle, find a young boy on the battle fields after losing his mother and father. Andrew Jackson adopted him on the spot and considering him his son. His name was Lyncoya.
19.President Monroe asked General Jackson to subdue the Seminole threat in Florida, which was occupied by the Spanish. Instead, he conquered both the Seminoles and Spanish and acquired Florida for the United States. Although he overstepped his boundaries and people in Washington criticized him for what he did, he never even got his hand slapped.
20.When Jackson took office the railroad system was a dream. When he left there was 3,200 miles of track in the United States.
21.During Jackson’s years in power liberal arts colleges were found more than twice the rate of previous decades.
22.The White House after Jackson’s inauguration was overwhelmed by excited citizens. It was so crowded that all the food and alcohol was taken out to the lawns, so people started jumping through windows.
23.During this era, when people got sick they went to a doctor to get bleed, but Jackson didn’t need a doctor for this. He bled himself…for internal hemorrhaging.
24.At the beginning of our country’s history, men in office typically remained in office from one president to the next. The most changes prior to Jackson was 39 by Thomas Jefferson. When Jackson took office, he replaced 919 offices, which about 10 percent of the entire federal government.
25.He firmly believed he was coming to power after a long period of sustained official corruption- he called the government “the Augean Stable,” seeing himself as Hercules and viewed what he broadly referred to as “reform” as a moral as well as political task.
26.A postmaster, fearing he would be dismissed from his position because Jackson’s supporters called for his removal, pleaded with Jackson by stripping himself naked and showed the wounds inflicted on him by the British. He remained in his position to much of the chagrin of his supporters and Jackson stated, “By the Eternal! I will not remove the old man- I cannot remove the old man, I cannot remove him… do you not know that he carries more than a pound of British lead in his body?”
27.Some of his Cabinet members disagreed with the appointment of the Secretary of War. Andrew Jackson replied in a letter, “I did not come here to make a Cabinet for the ladies of this place, but for the nation.”
28.Andrew Jackson was a devout Protestant. When a powerful minister from Philadelphia tried to convinced Jackson the presidency was only worthy for Christians, Jackson embarrassed him by explaining one of the country’s greatest strengths was freedom of religion, a freedom that also gave the skeptical the right to live unmolested and unevangelized.
29.Another minister in Washington tried to attack Jackson for not making Christianity a focus in his presidency and unwillingness to condemn other religions. Jackson replied in a speech, “With regard to the tale of the clergyman, it seems to me to be so inconsistent with the charities of the Christian religion, and so opposed to the character of an ambassador of Christ, that it gives me pain to read it.”
30.The removal of Indians has been a plan for every president prior to Jackson in hopes to gain more land. Jackson was the first one to believe Indians were a mortal threat to the security of a nation.
31.The Bank of the United States was free of check and balances and acted without regard to government and had the ability to influence politics without reprimand. Jackson felt the president of the United States and no one else, and certainly not a banker, spoke for a free people.
32.Andrew Jackson’s adopted nephew had a son and asked a friend of the family and Martin Van Buren to be the Godparent’s. However, when the minister asked the two if the would renounce the devil and his works for the child, all you could here at the church was Andrew Jackson saying, “I do, sir, renounce them all.” The author noted that no little girl had more of a sincere protector speak for her at such moment.
33.Andrew Jackson vowed to veto any bill that came to him if it only benefitted a state rather than the entire nation.
34.During a stretch of three day, Jackson vetoed 4 bills.
35.Andrew Jackson was the first to theorize that Congress should ask him what laws to vote on, so they won’t waste time voting on something he will veto. This Jacksonian theory in regards to the president’s power to veto was used by Teddy Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and FDR.
36.Jackson decided, without consultation or consent of Congress, that states were no longer allowed to make treaties with one another without consent of the federal government.
37.Jackson was the first to coin the term “Democratic Party” which is similar to the one we see today.
38.John Q. Adams wrote in his diary, “General Jackson rules by his personal popularity, which his partisans in the Senate dare not encounter by opposing anything he does.”
39.Although Supreme Court Chief Justice John Marshall did not support the idea of removing Indians, he allowed the improper hanging of an Indian in Georgia, because he was afraid to oppose Andrew Jackson.
40.Even though when talked about he was called the president, but when addressing him, he was always the General.
41.Andrew Jackson was the first president to create his own newspaper to eliminate partisanship.
42.“Bloodthirsty bids for power often provoke equally bloodthirsty reactions, especially when the target is a man like Jackson, whose own appetite for control and for the elimination of enemies knew few bounds.”
43.“Qualifications for President avast there, Sparta hath many a wiser son than he…” ~George Bancroft
44.(On hearing the Senate didn’t accept Van Buren as French Ambassador) “By the Eternal! I’ll smash them!” ~Jackson
45.Andrew Jackson mandated all messages from foreign ministries, that were once addressed to the President and Congress of the United States, to just “To the President of the United States of America” because he felt foreign intercourse should be vested only in the executive branch.
46.“The Bank (of the United States) is trying to kill me, but I will kill it.” ~Jackson
47.(Discussing the Bank of the United States) “But when laws undertake to add to these natural and just advantages artificial distinctions, to grant titles, gratuities, and exclusive privileges, to make the rich richer and the potent more powerful, the humble members of society- the farmers, mechanics, and laborers- who have neither the time or the means of securing like favors to themselves, have a right to complain of the injustice of their Government.” ~Andrew Jackson
48.Andrew Jackson gave more power to the presidency in vetoing a bill of The Bank of the United States based on its constitutionality, which is significant because he felt he was bound to interpret the laws as he understood them regardless of what the court said.
49.During his 1832 campaign, Andrew Jackson began to set up and attend “Hickory Clubs” across the country, which were barbeques promote Jackson’s cause. One of these “Hickory Clubs” took place in Lexington, Kentucky, just miles from Ashland, Kentucky where his opponent Henry Clay was from.
50.“I had no doubt that if a war came, as some feared it must, General Jackson would hang those gentlemen if he could get hold of them…and there would be a bloody war of it.” ~John Randolph
51.General Jackson instead of lashing out, isolated South Carolina rhetorically by appearing reasonable about the general principles at stake. With his secret military preparations, he bolstered the spirits of the Union Party in the sate and put the federal government in position to fight if things came to that.
52.“My duty is emphatically pronounced in the Constitution…Discussion by armed force is treason. Are you really ready to incur its guilt?...On your unhappy state will inevitably fall all the evils of the conflict you force upon the government of the country. It cannot accede to the mad project of disunion, of which you would be the first victims.” ~Andrew Jackson
53.“I pray God to preserve your life…that you may preserve this Union.” ~James A. Hamilton
54.A Unionist told Jackson that his supporters comforted themselves with the cry: “What have we to fear, we are right and God and Old Hickory are with us.”
55.“…came away with a still warmer feeling towards Old Hickory, who, I swear, is one the truest old caballeros I have ever known.” ~Washington Irving (caballero meaning: knightly, courtly gentleman, calm rather than angry.)
56.On May 7, 1833, Jackson named a postmaster for New Salem, Illinois, a lawyer who had lost a race for state legislature, Abraham Lincoln, his first governmental post.
57.Robert Randolph assaulted the General and bloodied his face, but stopped the assailant with his stare.
58.JQ Adams cousin recalled that parents in the Northeast sometimes invoked the name of Andrew Jackson to frighten misbehaving children.
59.According to Harriet Martineau, a New England Sunday school teacher once asked a child who killed Abel. The answer: “General Jackson.”
60.When asked what he would do if Congress called for impeachment with Jackson’s incessantness on dissolving the Bank of the United States, Jackson replied, “Then, sir, I would resign the presidency and return to Hermitage.”
61.“Sooner than restore the deposits or recharter the bank I would undergo the torture of ten Spanish inquisitions. Sooner than live in a country where such a power prevails I would seek an asylum in the wilds of Arabia.” ~Andrew Jackson
62.On the refusal of repayment of money from France to America, French diplomat, Serurier said, “The president could not be stopped, his iron with subdued all resistance.”
63.Under Andrew Jackson, on January 8, 1835, the first and only time in our nation’s history, the National Debt was completely paid off.
64.When an assailant attempted to murder General Jackson, both guns failed and Jackson began brandishing him with his walking stick.
65.After examining the gun, it was later determined the odds of two guns failing during the attack was 125,000 to one.
66.On Jackon’s death bed he said, “Do not cry, I hope to meet you all in Heaven, yes, all in Heaven, white and black.”
67.After his death, a visitor asked a slave what she thought about Jackson getting into heaven to which she replied, “If the General wants to go, who’s going to stop him?”
68.In Abraham Lincoln’s first inaugural address, he consulted Jackson’s Proclaimation to the People of South Carolina.
69.“Jackson had many faults, but he was devotedly attached to the Union, and he had no thought of fear when it came to defending his country…with the exception of Washington and Lincoln, no man has left a deeper mark on American History.” ~Theodore Roosevelt.
70.“For Jackson, the presidency, in this light, was not an arm of government but its heart, beating vitally.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
71.FDR was so fascinated by Jackson that he walked with support of braces in pain(refusing to use ramps because this occasion was too important) through Hermitage to pay tribute to Jackson.
72.In 1945, Harry Truman put a small bronze of Jackson in the Oval Office and drew Jacksonian imagery to build on the New Deal.

When in Vogue...

A group of people and I went to the Vogue last night to listen to the bands “Dot Dot Dot” and “Hairbangers Ball.” Towards the end of Dot Dot Dot’s performance a few of us wiggled up to the front, close to the band (stage right obviously near the hot bassist! ) to start jamming out. We danced and sang for a few songs like “Take on Me” and “Jump.” They, then, finished their set and the crowd began to disperse for drinks and bathroom breaks and so forth.

All of a sudden, someone tapped me on the back of my shoulder. It was some girl my age plus or minus two years (I was a few deep at this point so I wasn’t entirely sure). And the following is the conversation between us.

Girl: Are you wearing big pants?
Scott: Nope, why would you say that?
Girl: Well, it seemed like when you were dancing, you were holding up your pants.
Scott: Nope, I’m wearing a belt. (I show her my belt, proving to her I wasn’t lying)
Girl: Ohh, okay.
Scott: Yup.

We then part ways. The End.

Killer Karaoke

Sorry for the delay, I have been waiting to upload a video, but it still hasn't been sent to me.

At Midyear in Orlando, I checked out a few VA (Veteran Affairs) Hospitals across the country, including Jesse Brown VA in Chicago. This is the second most popular VA receiving 150 applicants, interviewing 60 students, and accepting on 8 residents per year. I decided to give it a try even though the chances are against me because I want to live in Chicago. So I go there and talk to a current resident for about 10 or 15 minutes about various things. She tells me the 8 current residents there are like a big family, and they seem to all be very energetic and very enjoyable people to be around. So I left, liking the program, but knowing that my credentials won’t stand out enough and I don’t have enough connections to get an interview. I begin to focus solely on my two other options.

Fast forward to the next night.

Universal Studios closed down for everyone attending the conference. We all went, rode a few rides, and enjoyed a complimentary drink. When this closed down, a huge group with Butler decided to check out this karaoke bar called Rising Star. Now, first of all, this wasn’t your ordinary karaoke bar. The stage consisted of a full band and two back up singers.

However, we asked the bartender how long it would take for us to get up there and sing, and they said it was pretty much full. But I, of course, won’t take that as an answer and fill out a card anyway: “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, a definite crowd pleaser. Anyway, an hour or two passes and none of us have gone up. In the meantime, Lorenz gets into conversation with a waitress about opening up the bar closer to us, which unfortunately never happened. To make it up, she asked him if any of us wanted to go up there and sing. He selected me for my outstanding voice. Another fifteen minutes goes by when I see, “next up Scott V.” on the screen. I run around the entire bar telling every person from Butler that I will be on next.
They called my name so I go up there and do my shout-out to Butler University. In front of the stage, which was occupied by only four or five people all night, was swarmed by everyone at Butler. So I sing my song, show my stage presence, and get crowd involved. I finish my song, thank the MC, thank the back up singers and go down and get high fives and hugs from the Butler crowd.

I settled down, got a beer, and waited for the next singer. I, then, got a pat on the shoulder. It was girl I talked to from the Chicago VA the day before. She told me I did an awesome job (maybe she was tone-deaf too) and that I was the type of person they look for when they interview candidates. She then introduced me to two other co-residents and said she would tell everyone else about me. She then told me to send her an email to remind her again of my name and match it up with my resume, and she will get me an interview at the hospital. I was shocked, I really didn’t think I had an opportunity to be on the radar at this location, but now, because of my karaoke-ing ability, I may have a chance at getting a residency position in Chicago. I surely don’t have my hopes up by any means, but the fact that she said she make an effort to get me an interview was awesome.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP14BDeBnyE

Germaphobic Security Guard

While in Orlando, a whole group of us went out to Citywalk at Universal Studios to have a few drinks. We ended up at a karaoke bar and stayed until 2AM, when it shut down, so we had to leave. A handful of us didn’t want to pack it up and head home yet, so I went up to one of the security guards and asked him if there was any other place to go in Orlando at this time. He told me no and that the entire city basically closes at 2:30. So I thanked him and stuck out my hand for a nice hand shake, but all he gave me was “rocks.” So I said, “Why don’t you shake my hand, are you a germaphobe?” He replied, “No, it’s just there are a lot of drunk people here, I don’t know where their hands have been, and I don’t want to catch anything.” Without skipping a beat, I pull up the sleeve and show him a Band-Aid and said, “Don’t worry, I just got my flu shot this morning.” He then said, “Well in that case…” and started shaking my hand!

A side note for any of you who don’t find this funny…after a person gets a flu shot, it takes days to weeks for the body to mount a response and create antibodies against future flu infections. Well that, and the flu shot doesn’t protect from germs being passed on from hand to hand contact!

Backdoor Mooching

So I left my shampoo and body soap in DC a few weeks back because I didn’t want to drag it back home. So I gave it to Lorenz because I knew he would mooch it anyway...So fast forward about two weeks. I am in DC for a pharmacy conference and Lorenz comes and brings what? That’s right, the shampoo and body soap I gave to him earlier, which is fine. But he was like, ohh did you see I brought your shampoo and body soap, you can use it if you want!

Yes, Lorenz thought he was being nice by allowing me to use the soap I gave him. Ain’t he a f-ing sweetheart, damn mooch!

A Tip?!

Last night, my pharmacist gave me a letter dropped off by a patient earlier in the week. I helped this patient out by getting his insurance straightened out in order to get an early refill on medication prior to a vacation out of the country (which is a pretty standard situation in the pharmacy). I put the envelope in my pocket and decided I would read it at break when I had more time. Inside the envelope was a business card which said “Thank you for your efficient and courteous service” along with a twenty dollar bill.

Holy crap, a tip for pharmacy. This really blew my mind. In a normal situation, when a person tries to offer you money at the pharmacy, you kindly say ‘no thanks.’ But what do you do if someone does this for you when they aren’t there? I mean, a banana bread or zucchini bread or homemade cookies is one thing (mmm, which has seldom happened since pharmacy became a corporation) but money, there is no way I could possibly keep this. My mother as made a good point, I need to make sure I am kind in the way I respond as to not hurt this gentleman’s feelings.

So here is my response to this patient in the form of a Christmas card.

Dear Mr. B-----,
Thank you for your generous gift. It really makes work more meaningful when people are so gracious. Unfortunately, I am unable to accept this money. Even though it is very nice to see someone, as yourself, reach and show your appreciation, it is unnecessary. The only gesture I need to keep me motivated day in and day out, the only thing that can justify what I do that I am able accept is kind words and a warm smile. This is all I want, in which you have already given me. It does truly mean the world to me that you would go out of your way to show your kindness.
I feel it is my duty as a future pharmacist and future health care provider to do what I can to help my patients. And I hope anyone who has taken their oath or will take their oath, as I will in 6 months, would do the same for you or anyone else in need.
As for the $20, I decided to donate it to the Salvation Army at one of their collection posts. I feel, since I have already benefited from your kind acts, I will pay it forward to someone who needs it more, especially during this harsh financial and climatic months.

Happy Holidays,
Scott Vouri
Butler University

I hope everyone can experience a moment like this. Helping someone who can really benefit from it purely out of the kindness of your heart, it is really a humbling experience.

Dear President George Washington

Dear President George Washington,

Thank you for allowing me to take a picture with you a few weeks back. I am sorry for using improper grammar, I blame it on the schools, haha….just kidding. I have been thinking about one of your famous statements declaring your dislike for the two party system. I understand why you were against it, but it’s been over 200 years and although there have been disagreements, it hasn’t ruined our government. I don’t know how well you’ve been keeping up with politics lately but the ideals of the two parties now are similar to the political parties during your hay day. First are the Democratic-Republicans championed by Thomas Jefferson and similar to the Democratic Party of today. They believe in equality and helping others to achieve the great American dream. Second are the Federalists, having John Adams as a predominant figure and similar to the Republican Party of today. They believe in less government and allow people to improve their livelihood through hard work.

These two political ideals made sense to me. Although, I agree with one over the other based on further differences, I feel these two parties balance each other out and give the people a choice on what ideals they have, which allow them to identify with a specific party. However, I feel with increasing ignorance, times are starting to change. This scares me.

I feel the Republican party is becoming divided. This further segregates the party into either a fiscal conservative (Libertarian) or a social conservative. The ideals of a fiscal conservative do make sense. They work hard for their money, so why should people take it away? Although, I do have qualms with certain things, I feel they are justified for believing the way they do.

Now to the point of my letter, which deal with the influences and attitudes of the social conservative. These people base their political decisions on the Bible! Don’t laugh, GW, I’m not kidding. If you ask them, “why do you believe this?” a majority of their answers to this question may very well be: “because that’s what the Bible says.” Pretty scary, eh? It’s a very unfortunate circumstance, especially after you and the other esteemed politicians did such a magnificent job separating church from state. It is just sad to think intellectualism is being replaced by people who can’t think for themselves and use words written by another person to justify their morals, values, beliefs, and ideals. (To clarify, these are the most extreme kind of social conservatives like Governor Sarah Palin.) And worse, their population is growing! These are the same people who believe all condoms, birth control pills, and all other forms of contraception is a sin. (And just to let you know, the above devices used to prevent pregnancy.) So these people are reproducing just as fast as rabbits and which means their way of thinking can only increase. I fear this may be the beginning of the end of the core values of American instated by you and your friends. Do you have any suggestions to help preserve America in hopes that 200 years from now, we still exist with the values we have today?

Sincerely,
Scott Vouri

PS: On a positive note, we recently elected the first Black president in history. This may prove there is still hope for our country and there is still hope for the American people.

Trekking Home

I know everyone has been waiting for this post in dire anticipation (Lorenz) but without further adieu, my trek back from DC and any hilarity that ensued.

So I was in the Atlanta airport for a layover. I was on my way to the bathroom when I see this guy’s shirt. It said “Made in IL (Illinois).” I started busted out laughing which continued throughout the process known as micturation (I was pissing). Made in Illinois, ohh the possibilities. So here is my rant>>> So what is with this guy’s shirt, was it literally made in Illinois, maybe a suburb of Chicago or maybe in the ghettoes of East St. Louis to the south? I hope this becomes fashionable. I want to see new NIKE t-shirts that say “Made in Taiwan” in bold letters above the “Swoosh.” Or how about this plain green Old Navy sweatshirt that I’m wearing right now; we can spice it up by encrypting it with “Made in Lesotho.” Pop history question: where the hell is Lesotho? Answer: it, along with the country of Swaziland, is one of the two countries completely surrounded by the nation of South Africa. Didn’t think you would learn something on this today, did ya?…well there is more to come (foreshadowing). I digress. I also laughed at this shirt for another reason as well (yup, a twofor). “Made in IL.” I wonder if he wears this because he was conceived in the state of Illinois. I imagine him as a very proud man walking with his chin up proudly proclaiming, “Yes, my parents did have sex in Illinois, which ultimately led to the arrival of me in the world. Truly a fine day!” Ohh yes my friend, for me that day, was truly a fine day!

On my journey toward the town of Michigan City, I finished the book I was reading, Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh. I want to share with you, my readers, my favorite word used throughout the book, my favorite paragraph of the book, and where the title Trainspotting comes from for all those who have seen the movie (starring the gifted Ewan MacGregor) and not read the book.

1)Soap-dodger- a person that smells bad (you Scottish folk are absolutely brilliant with your diction!)

2)Alright, so on a side note Irvine Welsh writes phonetically as the people of Scotland talk. So I encourage you to read this excerpt aloud if you have trouble understanding it. And another side-note that it is true one of the characters name in this book is Spud.

“The woman and her friend are being chatted up by a guy with a round, puff face, and an open-neck shirt which strains at his bloated guts. Renton, who has cheerfully undisguised prejudice against overweight people takes an opportunity to indulge it. –Spud: deek the fat radge. Gluttonous bastard. Ah dinnae go fir aw that shite aboot it bein a glandular or metabolic thing. Ye dinnae see any fat bastards on tv footage fi Ethiopia. Dae they no huv glands ower thair?”

See, I wasn’t kidding, a tough read…this was a mere one paragraph in a 350 page novel…it made it exciting that’s for sure.

3)The reason for the title Trainspotting is completely missed while the script was written for the movie version. In the book, the gang is walking back to their homes in the town of Leith, Scotland. It was after some major party so they are all nice and drunk. They stop by an old train station which is about to be torn down to make place for a supermarket to urinate in the bathrooms. And elderly drunk man comes in and asks the gang, “What are you guys up to, trainspotting I suppose?” To which Begbie responds in typical drunken response followed by the elderly drunk man again, “I’ll leave you to it, keep up the trainspotting.” And that was it. That is why the book is named the way it is named. So if you are watching the movie and trying to figure out the how actions or possessions are symbolism for something (like my sister did), you are wasting your time. It is just something an old, drunk man says in the book.

Don’t worry I didn’t forget about the foreshadowing I mentioned previously. Here is a little historic and ironic history lesson.

It has to do with our 7th President of the United States Andrew Jackson, who is probably the most bad ass president we have ever had! And don’t worry, I will soon be reading a biography on him called American Lion, to which, I will include several posts proving why he is such a bad-ass! Anyway, one of two of Andrew Jackson’s, who is easily recognized on the $20 bill, which, of course is paper money, main political platforms during his run for the presidency was to eliminate all paper money and have the United States use precious medals like gold and silver as currency. This never went through due to the fact that his other platform took a majority of his time: bitch-slapping the Bank of the United States!

My First Facial

And no, not that kind of facial, get your mind out of the gutter. It was a massage parlor/spa place. (Dammit, like I said not that kind.) Let me rephrase it again, it was a skin exfoliation.

I know what you’re thinking now. Scott Vouri would be the last person I’d think who’d ever have a skin exfoliation. Aren’t those for ‘bufties’ like Eric Bana and Brad Pitt and not for a true man like him? Haha, I digress.

So, about a month or two ago, I asked my mother to schedule an appointment per my ex-girlfriend to beautify my skin. Well, I forgot about it until my mother reminded me last night that I had one the next day.

Honestly, I could go into detail but that would not only bore you but it would bore me as well. So I will not continue with it to prevent myself from falling asleep on the keyboard leading to: dlfkhakjdhgkajsdhglkjhdfgkjsdhkljfghasdkjghksjhgkjdshgkjshadgkjhsdkghsdkhgkjsdhgkjsdhkjghsadkjhg.

After she was done she recommended using a cream in the morning followed by an exfolient and topped off with a skin mask once weekly (but using it every three days would of course work better). Or…she was going to make a deal with me. She could customize my lotions/cream et cetera by combining two of them together to decrease one step of the daily process. How thoughtful! To this, I simply said no, but my thoughts were far more hysterical and worth listening to.

What I thought (and if my testicles were the size of watermelons, what I would have said):

“Sorry ma’am, I’m not an upper-class person living at the American Gardens Building, big-shot business man for a multi-million dollar company from the 1980s, who enjoys the stylistic tunes of Huey Lewis and the News and Genesis, and constantly has a stash of video tapes that need to be returned. And sorry ma’am, I typically stop doing stomach crunches at 100…I can’t quite get up to that 1000 milestone. (See American Psycho).

I will leave you with this. A combination of having your hair held back with a towel and a steamer will result in Kramer hair, which is always a positive situation.

Blue Tooth

I wrote this the other day in Philly but I decided to hold off on the post. It is one of my typical rants about nothing, but looking back when it was completed, I felt it had a message.

Have you ever considered the Blue Tooth headset and its contribution to society? We all understand some of the benefits of this quirky aurical device: safety (while driving a vehicle), ease of mobility (being able to use both hands and yap away on the cell phone), and finally, the ability to multi-task (which, of course, leads back to mobility). We are also aware of how freaking annoying they are. You know, giving people the idea that it is chic to wear it, maybe even to accessorize it with clothing…yippee! But most importantly the ability to talk loudly without anyone around to talk to!

This brings me to my point. A benefit, which I believe, has been probably only thought of by a few, including me, which is the Blue Tooth’s potential to mask those who aren’t ‘socially normal.” These disorders are schizophrenia, split personality, and paranoid individual who are incessantly talking to themselves. As a whole, our society pursues normality. Anything that does not all into this category scares us, and makes us feel uncomfortable. Think about it. How would you feel if a person with obvious mental issues sat next to you on a bus and started orating away about absolutely nothing in particular? Pretty excited, right? Doubt it. Now let us flip it. How about if a business person was on the bus babbling away with a Blue Tooth? I mean, it may make you feel annoyed but certainly not uncomfortable.
Eureka! I think you see where I am going.

How about we give these devices to people with social disorders? Therefore, when we see a person with one of the unfortunate diseases with a Blue Tooth, we can just safely assume that they are on a business call. Ahh, to be blissfully ignorant, isn’t that every American’s dream?

While we are on the subject, how about I throw a few more ideas of mine at you to ponder on? Let’s start hanging up pictures of pink kittens and blue puppies all over Darfur or even princesses and ponies over the grave sites of innocent Iraqi women and children murdered during this hemorrhage of American life we call a war?

The things we choose to ignore, what could make life any better?

Take this with a grain of salt...

To whom it may concern:

Please, before saying this previously stated line, pause, and see if it's really essential to the point you are trying to make. If it is, I would prefer you to punch me in the stomach instead. That would hurt much less!

Thanks,

Scott Vouri

The red coats are coming?

No, the British aren't attacking, but it is still a very serious concern of mine. My concern being, what is with the influx of the red, wool, winter jackets this year? I mean, I'm no fashion guru, but isn't it hard to "match" clothing with a red coat? Aren't you limiting your daily clothing options with such a vibrant accessory for warmth? Well, unless of course, you can afford one jacket per outfit ($$$?). Where does this stem from? Did some big shot model in France where one during some posh runway show? Maybe? Better yet, did Paris Hilton wear it? No way, it never gets cold enough in LA for that?
I got it! I think it comes from that sexy cat Gov. Sarah Palin, and her power red suits. What do you think? Well, I sure hope it is. Knowing that and laughing each time I see one would make life, solely regarding the sight of these red coats (of course), truly special.

I wish people could spell...

Ironic title, eh? Especially since I can't spell worth a piece of crap, right Lorenz? Anyway, there is humor involved, although, it was more of an "in the moment humor."

Friday was the last day of our (JR and me) rotation at Suburban Hospital. The people there are so very gracious. The staff in the Cardio-thoracic unit (yes, Connors, we have a CTU in the hospital!) had such a nice little going away soiree for with a vegetable platter, finger foods, and cake. However, you think with degrees in nursing they would have an ability to spell. I mean, I think a child at an elementary school wouldn't JR or Scott "C-A-R-O-L!" Baaaa-zzzzing.

The same day...

I went to talk to a patient about her Coumadin, but she decided she wanted to know every about all her medications. Fair enough. She told me she came in with a UTI (urinary tract infection), in which she was placed on an antibiotic. She told me, she has been weak in the knees since she has been taking it and wondered if it was the antibiotic that would be causing her knees to be weak. So I responded confidently with this:

"No ma'am, the antibiotic won't cause you to be "weak in the knees' and it certainly isn't me, I'm not good looking enough to make you weak in the knees!"

She replied, "Don't be silly, you are very good looking.

Yes, this did actually happen...funny things happen when you are in a really good mood.

later that night....

I was at Connors' place watching the latest season of Scrubs. During this course of viewage, I began having to pee every 15 minutes. So I said, "Man, if I keep this up, I'm probably going to have to piss on the train."
Without hesitating Connors replied, "Well, I hope you're able to find 'train-drain!'"
I literally fell over laughing.

My first of many thanks to google reader

Lorenz just got me set up with google reader about two days ago. It has taken time to add various sources of news interesting to me or I feel I should be reading (ie The Economist). Anyway for my news sources I settled on Reuters, AP news, LA times, NY times, BBC news, Newsweek, and NPR news. I'm going to holla at my boys from BBC for their article "West-Side is the Best" ("Ali G" Indahouse). An article like this would never make in States with our liberal media and all that hub-bub.

So before I reveal this article, I want to explain my vision of how I will present this article. I've decided to paste the entire article after the link and insert my own personal commentary to the situation. I don't know how it will work, and I hope everyone enjoys!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/7725328.stm

Hordes greet Warcraft expansion

More than 2,000 people waited outside an Oxford Street store in central London, in advance of a special midnight opening. (This is what I like to call "Bully Heaven")

Similar launch events are being held in North America, Taiwan, and South Korea.

The Wrath of the Lich King includes a bonus continent for high-level players, a plethora of new enemies, extra equipment, spells, and new professions. (I sure hope the creators hooked up with Tracy Jordan to add porn...it would be like killing two birds with one stone for these guys.)

The expansion also gives players the chance to take on a new type of character known as a Death Knight.

On the stroke of midnight, players - many of whom had queued for hours - got to pick up a copy of the game signed by the developers.(Ahh "stroke"...that's what I like to call foreshadowing! Please continue.)

Scott Hamshere, from Bromley, should have been the first person in the UK with a copy of the game. He had started queuing at 6am and was the first in line. However, as the barriers were lifted, it was all too much, and he collapsed from exhaustion.(This is what happens when you are not used to physical activity and have your mom change your bed pan daily.)

Instead it was 23-year-old Ben West, from Greenwich, who became the first person to own the game. Speaking to the BBC he said that it all came as a real shock.(To quote the movie "Waiting"..."WHOOO! That's like being the smartest kid with Down syndrome!")

"Up until that point it was a bit of an anti-climax in some respects. I expected to be second in line, and when I was first it was a real surprise," he said.(Chicks, ohh excuses me, elvish princesses certainly dig a gold medal in WarCraft!)

"I really feel for Scott, he was a real trooper, but in the end I think it just overwhelmed him. But we got chatting in the queue, he rang me afterwards, and we're going to meet up for a drink at some point."(I wonder if it will be Juicy-Juice or Mondo Fruit Squeezers?)

For the vast majority of people, the night was an entertaining one, with many players saying they were going to play Warcraft all night once they got back home.(Boss: The economy is failing and there will be a lot of downsizing, but please...show absolutely no interest in your career and take off tomorrow so you can play your game. Don't bother showing up on Monday, your job will be given to Janani over in India. Yeah, I totally incorporated outsourcing in this joke.)

Developed by Blizzard Entertainment and launched in 2004, World of Warcraft has grown into one of the most popular of all online games, with more than 11m registered players.(None of whom have seen a vagina...partial props to my boy Tosh)

"We've been looking forward to this launch event all year," said Blizzard's chief executive Mike Morhaime.(You may not have pick this up, but there is a pun in this quotes. "Looking forward to this launch" translates to: The biggest simaltaneous ejaculation by Nerds since the men of Lambda Lambda Lambda set up hidden cameras in the Pi Delta Pi house.)

"This is one of the few opportunities we get to meet with players in person."(This one writes itself)

NEW CONTENT IN LICH KING New continent of Northrend Level cap increased to 80 New high-level Death Knight character class Introduction of "Inscription" profession New enemy: The undead armies of the Lich King Introduction of siege weapons New player-vs-player battlefields

The main focus of the expansion is the Lich King himself, Arthas Menethil, who many will recognise from Blizzard's real-time PC strategy games set in the Warcraft world. (If you say Lich King fast it sounds like "Licking" these creators must be so alone.)

Much of the content in the add-on game involves battling against the army of undead that Arthas controls.(Fuck reality...I'm fighting the army of the undead!)

Alongside the new content, Blizzard is also expected to start updating the graphics engine for WoW, making its cartoon-like imagery more realistic.(Like Tom Hanks in "Polar Express..."this is another 30 rock reference)

The new expansion pack will cost £24.99. However, it also requires a copy of the original game, the Burning Crusade expansion and a monthly subscription of £8.99.(Sorry friends, the price of your dignity is £50.99/month.)

In order to experience much of the expansion content including the Death Knight class, users need to be at a minimum of level 55 - meaning that novice and low-level players may have some work to do.(Dear author, These guys don't need anymore encouragement...couldn't you mention sunshine or babbling brooks (what did I say?) so at some point in time. Shouldn't you put a snipet of reality in this article in attempts to prove there is life outside of QWERTY?)

An email response...

Sorry Nick and Josh, but I think the possible one other person who may read this blog should get an opportunity to read it...

I don't think I've ever seen this movie (Mac and Me), but after a quick youtube search I saw the wheelchair off the cliff scene (as mentioned on Conan O'Brien when Paul Rudd visits). A related video linked me to Mac and Me full McDonald's dance, and I, of course, had to take a quick look...it was awesome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdvO0tmNjGo&feature=related

Unfortunately something like this would never happen again, and here are a five reasons why:

1) Due to the increase in childhood obesity, this seen would either be cut to 3 minutes shorter (or there would need to be three shifts of kids to sub in and out...similar to hockey)

2) McDonald's employees dancing on the job...no sir, not during this economic recession. I don't think they would want to be replaced by Communcations Majors...

3) They don't make high-top Reeboks like they did in the 80s...there would be a definite increase in sprained ankles.

4) This isn't a Filopino prison (see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o)

5) One can only assume Ronald McDonald is dead...the Grimace must have gotten to him by now!

So I made a patient cry today...

Well this time, its just not a catchy title...

Today is Wednesday, so it would have been on Monday I went to counsel a patient on a blood thinner he needed to take. This was a unique patient because he was previously on this medication and his blood got too thin which lead to a gastric hemorrhage (stomach bleed). However, he needs to continue on this medication because he had atrial fibrillation (rapid heart flutter) which predisposed him (certainly due to his age:83) to strokes.

Anyway, he was really worried and nervous about this drug because he really didn't want to bleed again. So I spent about 30 minutes (normal is 10 minutes) talking to him about the importance of this drug and even if there is an increase chance of bleeding, there is a decrease chance of stroke (and please take into consideration its a lot easier to reverse a bleed than to reverse a stroke). He was still hesitant as I left.

I came back on Tuesday (when counseling, we only see a patient once, so this is definitely an exception.) I brought 4 different articles for him to read (ranging from 4 pages to 25 pages) which is well beyond the typical 3 pages of literature we hand out. He was really happy with this and excited to go over some new reading material.

Today, I came by to check on him for a final time (3 days in a row is absolutely unheard of in the world of pharmacy). At this point in time, he began to remind me of my grandfather, and I actually think I started looking at him as if he was. Then finally he told me:

"I was hesitant at first about taking this medication, but after talking to you, I will definitely take it. You had great points why to take this, and I will risk the chance of a bleed to prevent a stroke. You know, you should be a salesman for this drug, you definitely convinced me."

"No sir, a not a salesperson because I don't get paid more if more people take this medication. Your safety is enough of a payment for me." (Yeah, I really did go corny here.)

Then his eyes started to water, looked up to me, and just said "Thanks."

I actually began to tear up as well. I honestly felt that helping this person out was one of the most rewarding experiences I've had in my life. I actually got a 'high' off of pharmacy. Now how many people can say that about their job? :)

On a differ

Publish Post

ent topic: When stereotypes are true, they are hilarious. (And very 'blue couchish' and shall not be written about any further!)

Sometimes words can't describe true pain...

Today is a sad day for me.

I was not aware until a text from my sister within the hour that today, November 11, 2008, was the release date for Scrubs Season 7. She sent me a text asking how many of episodes of Scrubs I watched so far today. And even though I did catch an episode today on Comedy Central, none, however, were of this most current season.

This is opposed to last year, when Lorenz and I watched the entire Season 6 straight through (minus a small dinner break/caffeine bolus) until 2:30AM.

Now I will take a melatonin to aid in sleep because if I don't, I will be up all night tossing and turning thinking about what might have been!

(sigh)

On a happy side note, after viewing the price on Best Buy's website($19.99), I noticed Rowdy (or possibly it was Stephen) made the cover of the DVD set. Thank you, whoever creates these boxes. You saved me from inevitability of becoming dehydrated from the amount of tears that would have be shed. Once again, thanks!

This weekend consisted of Hradek coming from Chicago and Curt coming for Philly. We went to bar and had beers and watched "Role Models."

Hip Hip Hooray!

that is all...

Frazzles

My second post of the day, following my nice 6:20AM one this morning.

Anyway, I'm sitting at "The Bou" (the new nickname I came up with 10 minutes ago for Caribou Coffee). For the correct pronunciation please see 's episodes entitled "The 'BU" (this message is for anyone with a good grasp of the English language, is it grammatically correct to make a website possessive? Cuz I surely don't know!)

Let's start this sucker off with my random thought of the day! (cue Monty Python-esque horns).

I was thinking about the election and the possibility of intimidation at the polls. It is illegal to scare people away from voting using force, strength, scare tactics, yadda yadda yadda.
But I wonder the legality of using "cute tactics" to persuade votes?
My first question is how close can children be to polling areas? If it's close I will continue...

I feel, if a cute little kid came up to me wearing a "I wuv Obama" shirt and said, "Pwease sir, will you vote for Brockie Bama?" I would throw out all research and logical thought I put into the process and cast my vote for the senator from Illinois. On the other hand, if a child came up to me and said, "S'cuse me sir, I want to go to college when I get older, will you vote for Senatwor MacCain?" I would telling the person at the exit poll the the Maverick was my man.

I mean seriously? Why aren't these tactics used? There has got to be more people out there besides me that will get thwarted by cuteness prior to 'pulling the lever."

Alright, so I actually have a serious post (but don't worry I will interject some humor, because it just wouldn't be me.)

Today, I was doing some Coumadin counseling (for the lay person, pharmacy jibber jabber). The patient was an elderly Greek gentleman who was unable to communicate so I talked to his wife. Because of HIPAA (a privacy act regarding pharmacy jibber jabber) I will call her Mrs. "P." After finding out that I was a pharmacy student, Mrs. P asked me why it takes so long to get a prescription filled. It took about 5 minutes of explanation until she realized and understood. Then she asked me what I wanted to do with my career so I explained that as well in another 10 minutes, followed by an additional 10 minutes of explanation for the drug. I said my good-byes and was about to move to the next patient when she told me to hold on a second. So I came back in and listened.

Mrs. P asked if I was married? No.
And then she looked deep into my eyes, maybe even my soul and said something in Greek.
She asked if I knew what that meant? No.
Mrs. P explained to me it translates to "I wish you good fate in marriage." And she added in English that I will need to look outside the box to find her.

I said thank you and walked away. As I walked away, I felt different, like something was ignited within (and hopefully not gas...gosh, sometimes I just can't help it!). I truly felt like something is different, but there is only one way to find out...go out and live life.

Wow, a serious story with only 3 jokes...not bad at all! (pat on the back).

Whelp, off to write a paper on incentive spirometry and a start a presentation on Rapaflo or Cystic Fibrosis. Yippee!

Listener Complaint

Dear WASH-FM,

I hate to inform you, but I will no longer be listening to your station. I mean after what song was played this morning, I don't know how anyone can listen to your station. I dealt with the nails on a chalkboard sounds of Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" twice a week for the last two months. But that was cancelled out by the delicious and delightful sounds of Delilah during the evening. So I've been okay.

Anyway, I am very sorry you played Lou Bega's "Mambo No. 5." That was the straw that broke the horse's back. I feel the need to tell you this to prevent future significant drops in your ratings which this undoubtedly caused.

I must go now and get some tissues for my bleeding ears.

Scott Martin Vouri

There's always room for jello...

Catchy story? nope, sorry to disappoint. I will not reference the delicious 'jigglin' treats or Sir Bill Cosby (do you agree?, Queen Elizabeth needs to get that man knighted, who is more deserving? seriously?)

Anyway, nothing exciting at the hospital today...except a patient that knew the WARF from the drug warfarin stands for Wisconsin Alumni Research Foundation (insert snores...)

However, comedy is everywhere. Today, I get home, start to change when I hear a knock at the door, not thinking of who it could be, I walk over and open it....

It was a dark-haired girl, slightly shorter than me whom I've never seen.

She starts to walk in and says "Hello?"

To which I respond with a "Hello?"

After my questionable salutation, she stood confused for about 5 seconds...

After which she replies, "Oh my goodnes, this isn't my room...I'm in 404" (which is directly above my apartment, and yes Connors, a palindrome) and walks away.

I have been living here for 2 months...2 months and she gets confused now!

My philosophical statement of today:
"People just crack me...it's there reason life is so fun and entertaining!"

The Dietician

Today JR and I went on TPN (total parenteral nutrition) rounds with one of the pharmacists and the dietician (who is smoking, I may add).

Anyway, we were just chit-chatting/chat-chitting around when she asked what school we went to and where it was...

Butler University, Indianapolis, Indiana (obviously)

She got excited and stated "Oh, I have relatives from Indiana...I think they live in a town called Toffee."

JR and I look at each other and thought deeply and agreed neither of us has ever heard of it.

She then added, "Oh, maybe it's not Toffee, but its some kind of 'candy city.'"

At this point in time I think to myself, well Hershey is in Pennsylvania, and Indiana has its share of funny town names like Peru and Santa Claus, but nothing regarding candy stuck out.

After about a minute of her thinking about it she proclaimed in excitement: "It's Carmel, you know, like caramel!"

We looked at each other and laughed!

Today's post was brought to you (in the form of a post-it note) by Aggrenox(R)!

Let me also reiterate the fact that she was smoking!

Drag Races

Catchy title I know...drag races in washington dc? But isn't that a metropolitan area where property values are through the roof and the cost of a racing track would be astronomical?

Well of course you are right, but what am I talking about?

Well if you are local of DC you know, but I will assume you don't and continue typing. Well, the Tuesday before Halloween, there is a little tradition at Dupont Circle (which is a very liberal area, in an already liberal city/district/what have you). Anyway, I'm sure this is making sense, if not.........well, the gay or adventurous, put on their favorite wigs and literally race (in a minimum of 3 inch heels as I was told by my new friend Ted [a lost Baldwin brother] earlier tonight) for, well, the hell of it!

It was definitely a life altering moment for me. Words really can't explain what I saw, but I will do my best in my "buzzed" state of mind!

So, first of all it starts at 9 and when I got there at 8, it was absolutely packed.

These cross-dressers came in a variety of shapes and forms (bullet points, a tribute to tyler klaehn):

• Men who dressed it absolutely ridiculous costumes which include a ten foot replica of the washington monument and chicken suits
• Ridiculous dressed men: this includes feathers, bee-hive hairstyles
• Men dressed to impress: so there was the guy who had a 8 body guards and looked EXACTLY like Princess Diana, with the emphasis on EXACTLY
• Men who tried to look hot but failed miserably (this was the majority): this range from huge guys acting the "navy women" and a ton of shitty looking wigs
• And a small majority, men who could very well be mistaken for women (scary, I know!)

After struting their stuff for about an hour, they began the race. I believe it was about 5 blocks or so long, but the guy who won probably ran faster than I ever could (in heels!).

This is something everyone must see at least once (and there is no way you'll see this in Indiana, so its best to come to DC).
My final thought:

• Being surrounded by drag queens, I now know how "manly" it feels like to be JR in normal conditions.

Patriots defeat Diabetes?

Okay, while I was watching the Colts lose tonight (cha-ching) I came up with a series of logical sense dealing with the 2008 football season.

Hear me out: The patriots defeated the chiefs --> the chiefs defeated the broncos --> the broncos quarterback is jay cutler --> jay cutler was recently diagnosed with diabetes.

Using simple logic of a--> b --> c --> d --> e, it is determined the patriots defeat diabetes!

I just don't know why doctors haven't thought of this sooner...it's just so simple!

PS: I haven't heard anyone say it, so I want to be the first:

The Titans are going 16-0 this season! I'll say it again to further emphasize my statement:
The Titans are going 16-0 this season!

Hopefully no one outside of Nashville has said this so I can be a "Good Five Minutes" guest on PTI...golly, I sure hope Tony Kornheiser is nice in person!

So at my hospital, I have this real spacy/crazy preceptor and this was a comment she made at approximately 7AM this morning while JR and I were waiting to begin 'rounds.'

(Talking to a nurse who is due to have a baby soon) "You know babies have a lot of nipple confusion, you know being able to differentiate between the bottle and and the breast...(then pointing to us) but at this age you really don't have to worry about it!"

Yes, this really happened!

I would like to thank Aranesp(R) (darbepoetin alfa) for making sticky notes which made this blog entry possible!

Singing

I was walking home from Farragut after working on some projects when I heard some music at Dupont Circle, so I stop and have a listen. It's a black guy dressed in full cowboy gear. I figure to give him a listen when a familiar tune began..."Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkel.

I was really tempted to get up there and sing along, but I didn't think the cowboy would like it too much. You may ask, why would you even consider going up there to sing...

This is my reply:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Dg5dbobY1o

(please do not drink or eat when watching this video)

On a related note, the cowboy sang Jethro Tull's "Locomotive Breath" and Rolling Stone's "Wild Horses"...I was truly impressed!

it's been a month...holy shit!

anyway, so i was on my way to adams morgan to hang out with aubrey. I get to the suicide bridge and what should i see...a homeless (probably deranged) person walking out to the middle of the road flipping off on coming traffic. This continued for no less than 90 seconds! But don't worry as cars started coming she moved off toward the curb but never to she relinquish her 'bird.' And for that I applaud her (i'm assuming she was a she) for believing in something and sticking to it!



on my way home more excitement occured! aubrey was scared i was going to get shot on the way home but i would be fine, i'm a big strong dude and there's a lot of cops out so its safe. I get to a corner and two men in the twenties start yelling and getting their fisticuffs ready for battle (you may assume their race, and although i don't consider myself to be rascist, i feel you may assume correctly). Well this blocks traffics for about 5 minutes as I just stand there about 30 feet from the altercation. I finally leave and during my reflection of the situation on the way home i think to myself...wow, i was probably in range to be hit with a stray bullet if this fight esclated further. if that happened it would hurt me twice: first from the literal pain of a bullet piercing my flesh and two because aubrey would have told me so!...

i'm too tired to go back and make sure what I wrote makes sense or it grammatically correct...so please don't judge me on that!

good night and good beer!

I preface this post by stating that I am a former full-time, yet still part-time, dweller of the Blue Couch.

There was a faculty member of Butler that took us out to dinner on Sunday. We got free food and watched the Colts lose (that's what we call in the business a 'twofor'). Anyway, one of the girls that was sitting next to me (she will remain anonymous to prevent people from thinking she is racist, which fortunately, I believe, she wasn't trying) said...

"Did you ever notice the symbol (on the TV for the scoreboard) for the Giants is NYG?"

You may ask. "Scott, Spud, Bidge, or what have you, why is this revelant?"

And to that I reply, "It was pronounced NIG."

:)

PS: Did I mention the Colts lost?

This is an oldy I just found on my computer...enjoy readers Cough(Connors)Cough!

10 Things I hate about Josh Lorenz

10. You can land a single engine Cessna on his nose.
9. He made the upstairs (at the 818) smell horrible when he vomed on his bed and proceeded to cover it up with the scent of vanilla.
8. He is reluctant to give anyone a ride in the Magic Bus.
7. He kicks me out of his room when I try to better Feng Shui the things on his desk.
6. He is a pharmacy/MBA major; therefore, all people in other majors are inferior to him.
5. He doesn't clean up his whiskers in the sink after he shaves.
4. He stole my last pack of Gushers.
3. He doesn't shut the DAMN closest door.
2. He sings this dam Spanish song as if he's fluent in the language.
1. He just a fuckin' all around bitch/mooch who is too good to study!

Yesterday my pharmacist was on the Metro (Washington DC subway system). She caught a whiff (please emphasize the "h" when saying this word, it pleases me) of a "stinkie." She claims foul odors make her nauseated, so she started fanning herself. She did it calmly without trying to draw attention to herself and making it look like she was fanning herself because she was hot. Moments later she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around and a middle-aged gentlemen stoically proclaimed "I'm sorry about the gas."

August 28, 2008

Stories

As I was typing my previous blog and talking on the phone to my mother I hear a phone ring. First of all, let me describe this phone which is located in our kitchen of the Washington Center of Boston University. It is a blue wall-mounted phone with an extremely long cord. However, the phone doesn't rest properly on its wall mount, therefore, we must tie up the phone using its excess cord just to keep working. (see also- "holy shit that's ghetto" in the dictionary).

Anyway, I don't know this number and either does anyone else. But I hear this mysterious phone call so I assume (after watching previews of the movie "Eagle Eye" with Shia LaBeouf, you know, the movie where he answers a phone and he has to run for his life?) that if I answer this phone I will be running throughout the city avoiding killers and government actions (and I haven't gone to the spy museum yet? shit!). So I go to answer the phone, stretching on my way there (well no, but wouldn't it be sweet if I did?) And here comes the big build up....it's Windham Hotels wanting me to sit in on something to get free airlines tickets to destinations I don't want to go to. So I politely said I wasn't interested and hung up the phone (which of course included tying it up with its cord!)

I was at the the food court with Meghan and Jessica talking about cooking. I said I won't make my best food, because I really miss my grill from home. Later at the bars this conversation took place.

Jessica: We've been meaning to ask you, do you have a girlfriend?

Me: No, that was kind of out of left field.

Jessica: Well, we were just asking because earlier you said "I really miss my girl from home" and we thought it was some big secret?

Me: (laughter for a good solid minute) I said grill from home, you know like cooking, not girl.

All: (continued laughter and enjoying more alcohol.)

Random Thoughts

(Random thought from Meaghan) Why are they called "Books on CD?" I mean, they're not actually books, there's no pages to turn!



Quotes

"Dirt's a lot more fun when you add water." ~Hank Ketcham

"I need more blood for my alcohol system" ~(I don't remember who said this, I've been drinking)

(About me and another short girl) "Your kids will be full grown at birth!" ~Spiedel

August 27, 2008

So today I went to the Hirshhorn Museum with the girls from across the hall. There I got into a really "artsy" mindset! At the Hirshhorn, the entire second floor is dedicated to art movies. These don't include ones that are seen at the Cannes or Sundance Movie Festivial (like Shark vs. Eagle a must see). There was a half hour movie about this guy doing a Rude Goldberg-like project by blowing shit up or scenes cut from a movie to have actors talk about their mothers and fathers....you get the jist?

Anyway, I've decided I want to create two pieces of art movies.

1. I want to make a scary movie (probably 10 or 15 minutes long, show it to a group of people who feel they get really scared, and film their reaction to the movie as the entire movie.
2. I want to make a break-up movie. All I want it to be is a coffee shop or dinner conversation break-up lasting probably 10 or 15 minutes. I want to cameras located bascially eye level. The jist of this will be to film both cameras at the same time and show it split screen, both of their reactions and movements or film it only showing the person not talking. I want to emphasize one person checking out other people as its happening and maybe a little crying. Something like that....now all I need to do is get a girlfriend, fall madly in love with her, lose her, and become devastated enough to write a script...or hire someone! :)

Stories today:

For a quick snack today (corndogs and ice cream) we went to a food court in the old post office building. We walked up at saw 3 security guards were standing there, we figured we were in wrong place and asked how to get into the food court....they said right this way, so we had to take out anything that would set off the metal detector, the bags and walk through. I mean really, are terrorist now aiming for our pizza places, smoothies, and chicken fried-rice?

Also, while first walking in there was this crazy Asian lady (my guess is Vietnamese) secretly taking pictures of Jessica (a girl from across the hall) and tried to sell her a picture with her as the headlines with the Washington Post! Food was then consumed and on the way back out, there she was again....but this time she caught me! She caught a picture of George Bush kissing my eye in mid stride and as I continued to walk she tried getting me to by the picture. I mean, who does she think I am...JR Honeas?

Thoughts

I want to start up my blog again since I'll be in DC, however, my computer is screwed up so all I did was write it on a word document so this is the paste from the last few days...enjoy!

August 20, 2008
Stories of Today
· A conversation between me and a small child leaving the airplane:
o ME: Who is that? (the kid was holding a batman action figure)
o HIM: It’s Batman!
o ME: Isn’t Batman bigger than that?
o HIM: Yes
o ME: Is Batman bigger than you?
o HIM: Yes
o ME: Is Batman bigger than me?
o HIM: Yes
o ME: Does Batman fight crime?
o HIM: Yes…I have a Batman costume at home!
o ME: Do you fight crime?
o HIM: Yes, but only during Christmas!
· On the second flight I set next to an older nurse who was with her mom. They were traveling to a conference for Herbs and Homeopathic Drugs. As a pharmacist, we were taught that these are a piece of crap. They also told me that MRSA can be cured by an OTC product called Colloidal Silver. One must know, that MRSA is a serious infection, in which we use some pretty potent antibiotics to cure. However, during this entire time I bit my tongue and didn’t say what I really wanted to say because I didn’t want to blow their minds, and also the old lady was so nice and gave me her card and everything!

Random Thoughts
· What is your favorite scene that takes place in an airplane on a movie, show, or skit?
o Mine is the 1st class/coach division in Seinfield
o Vomit bag/leftover discussion on “Rookie of the Year”
· I feel Daniel Stern’s performance in “Rookie of the Yea” deserved an Oscar nomination at the very least
· Is the pluralization of stadium really stadia? (as stated in Nick Hornby’s 31 Songs)
· What ever happened to Snapple? I haven’t seen it in eons!
o Within an hour of the thought I saw a case of Diet Ice Tea Snapple on the Metro
Quotes
· “You alwas were the one to make us stand out in a crowd / Though every once in a while your head was in a cloud / There’s nothing you could never do to ever let me down.” ~Damon Gough
· “My advice to young writers: never begin a title with a preposition, because you will find that it is impossible to utter or to write any sentence pertaining to your creation without sounding as if you have an especially pitiable stutter. ‘He wanted to talk to me about About a Boy.’ ‘ What about About a Boy?’ ‘The thing about About a Boy…” Still, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” ~Nick Hornby in 31 Songs

August 21, 2008

Stories of Today
· I saw a guy with a shirt today that said “Lincoln Shot First”
· I saw a Korean man waving and yelling “Hello Fed-Ex” to a moving Fed-Ex van.
· Today I helped two people out: the first was an older woman who needed help moving a box inside, which took place across the street from Connors apartment. The second was a man working a street vender near the White House. I was with Connors, but he specifically asked me to help him put two coolers on a movie cart. He said that short people are stronger, but I felt he asked me over Connors because I have a mustache. By doing that I became his “Very best friend of 2008!”
· On the show “Undeclared,” they described the Greek Letter Theta as “a boob with a boe-tie.”

Random Thoughts
Quotes
· “On your way out, don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split ya!” ~Stephen Colbert

August 22, 2008

Stories of Today

Random Thoughts
· I never realized that Prince, you know formerly the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, is actually only 5’ 2’’.
· Mallrats could be the most well written movies ever made.
· Reflecting back on my dance moves, I have defeated two black guys in dance offs. One Kenyan in Indianapolis and one Jamaican in Mexico. Can I be touched?

Quotes
· It’s impossible, Lois could never have Superman’s baby. DO you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it’s strong enough to carry her child? Sure, why not? He’s an alien, for Christ sake. His Kryptonian biological make is enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chick is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him. (Mallrats)
· He tried to screw me some place very uncomfortable? What? Like the back of a Volkswagon? (Mallrats)

August 23, 2008
Quotes
· “You guys are the stupidest idiots ever” ~Nick Connors
· “There’s nothing more I love than hating people” ~Nick Connors

August 26, 2008

Stories
· A random black man camp up to me while I was sitting outside of Ella’s right off the Chinatown Metro stop and asked me to open his grape soda. I hesitated for a second thinking he may have done something to it, but I did it. And the blue couch moment nearly overwhelmed me.

Random Thoughts
· Are Catholics really cannibals? I mean, every week, they eat the body and drink the blood of Christ.
· Thinking about how Europeans killed off American Indians because they didn’t have antibodies to disease. Similarly our keeping everything clean and maintaining a proper household today leaves our children unable to develop antibodies leading to an increase risk of children developing asthma and allergies. So should we keep our house a little dirty when raising kids to prevent them from getting asthma and allergies?
· Jesus claims He was the Son of God and is worshiped by millions upon millions. A person from today can claim he is the son of God and gets thrown into the insane asylum. No wonder why Romans thought he was crazy and tried to deal away with him.

Quotes
· “As a member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuit” ~Hillary Clinton

August 27, 2008

Stories

Random Thoughts

Quotes
· “Those nachos are nachos” ~a character from Hannah Montana