My First Facial

And no, not that kind of facial, get your mind out of the gutter. It was a massage parlor/spa place. (Dammit, like I said not that kind.) Let me rephrase it again, it was a skin exfoliation.

I know what you’re thinking now. Scott Vouri would be the last person I’d think who’d ever have a skin exfoliation. Aren’t those for ‘bufties’ like Eric Bana and Brad Pitt and not for a true man like him? Haha, I digress.

So, about a month or two ago, I asked my mother to schedule an appointment per my ex-girlfriend to beautify my skin. Well, I forgot about it until my mother reminded me last night that I had one the next day.

Honestly, I could go into detail but that would not only bore you but it would bore me as well. So I will not continue with it to prevent myself from falling asleep on the keyboard leading to: dlfkhakjdhgkajsdhglkjhdfgkjsdhkljfghasdkjghksjhgkjdshgkjshadgkjhsdkghsdkhgkjsdhgkjsdhkjghsadkjhg.

After she was done she recommended using a cream in the morning followed by an exfolient and topped off with a skin mask once weekly (but using it every three days would of course work better). Or…she was going to make a deal with me. She could customize my lotions/cream et cetera by combining two of them together to decrease one step of the daily process. How thoughtful! To this, I simply said no, but my thoughts were far more hysterical and worth listening to.

What I thought (and if my testicles were the size of watermelons, what I would have said):

“Sorry ma’am, I’m not an upper-class person living at the American Gardens Building, big-shot business man for a multi-million dollar company from the 1980s, who enjoys the stylistic tunes of Huey Lewis and the News and Genesis, and constantly has a stash of video tapes that need to be returned. And sorry ma’am, I typically stop doing stomach crunches at 100…I can’t quite get up to that 1000 milestone. (See American Psycho).

I will leave you with this. A combination of having your hair held back with a towel and a steamer will result in Kramer hair, which is always a positive situation.