• Dee, money? I mean what are you going to do at a strip club?
• (When they didn't have a coin) Why don’t we flip that piece of wood?
• Frank, if you buy me this costume I’m going to show the ladies a war hero they can’t take their eyes off of.
• You don’t do that to a vet, you don’t box in a vet, you don’t stick him in a corner…I didn’t fight no God damn war just to be boxed in…Commie ass piece of shit!
• War her, war hero coming through here, kind of a big deal, how ya doin’, war hero…war hero, so…alright, alright.
• (Talking about Israel being too dangerous) Oh yeah, you got the whole tsunami thing, and well the Superdome thing, one of the places over there.
• This is America, you can’t just come in here and steal our land…
• Do not put peanut butter on that, a grilled Charlie has peanut butter last,…peanut butter outside, chocolate inside, butter inside, cheese outside.
• Where are your balls dude, where are you balls? You’re a grown man, think about your balls…where are your balls swaying?
• …I can’t even mention your balls around you.
• Let’s throw a flaming bag of poop in the window.
• (Holding a carton of eggs) I got something that’s going to send friend on the first train back to Israel.
• (Sheets hanging in his apartment) Do you think we can make this more like a cave?
• What, you don’t think I feel sick? I’m sick, I feel very sick, but I directed the shit out of this video, this stuff is gold.
• Can I throw a bag of poop in the window?
• (After the FBI found their Jihad tape) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh, shit!
• Right, this is good, this is shady, Frank, I like this kind of stuff.
• Respect the plight!
• You’re going to cheat yourself out of a good glove.
• I’m going to get nice and drunk and play video games until my eyes bleed.
• (Looking at a calculater) What are youuuu?
• (Talking to Dee) It’s not sex I want from you…it’s sex I don’t want from Dennis.
• Girls can’t pull trucks through the snow.
• Hey guys…I can handle a chair.
• I’m going to take one second to take my shirt of, then you’re going to die!
• (When asked why he told the judge he was drunk) I thought it would get me off the hook.
• I’m not an alcoholic actually, yeah I’m only here because I got a little drunk and threw a flaming bag of feces in a building and it kinda burnt down a little bit, but I wasn’t trying to burn it down. I was trying to make the place smell real bad and trying to get ride of this guy…this guy knows what I’m talking about.
• This will be like a platonic sponsor, sponsoree type of thing (looks at the waitress’ number) sh--, I was so close.
• (To the waitress) So tell me about you. What kind of music to you listen to? What’s your favorite color? Have you ever owned a dog, do you want to own a dog?
• Yeah, I’ll be your Peter.
• I got the Lord, I got the good Lord, I got the good Lord he’s going down on me, he’s going down, I got the good Lord going down on me.
• Hear me out of a second. Technically, that stain did appear to me, also I’m familiar with carpentry and I don’t know who my father is, so…am I the Messiah? I don’t know, I could be. I’m not ruling it out.
• Here a confession, I’m in love with a man. A man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha!
• Hey Moses kick your shoes off come on and walk around this burning bush, you know that’s like asking me to take my shoes off and stand on a hot plate. I’m not going to do it…unless God asked me to do it. Then I am just like Moses, because his feet aren’t going to get burned. No, God is going to reward him with some sweet ass shoes. You risk you feet you get some shoes…Trust in God and He’ll give you shoes.
• You’re going to get your ass blasted.
• Dennis, Dennis, hobo-vertising, that’s not you. Oh, it’s cheap, it’s cheap politics. I mean, it’s not going to get us that bribe. You need to be shaking hands and kissing babies…
• Wait, so first you wash your hands of politics, then you want back on, that’s called flip-flopping, Mac, that’s what Democrats do.
• If I hear one more flip flop out of you, I’m going to throw up in my mouth.
• (Script written by Charlie for Dennis’ campaign) Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I’m hot. Taxes, they’ll be lower. The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do.
• (Reading a short note) It first says ‘meet’ and then there’s some other stuff.
• You wan to throw down with me, little actor boy? You want to throw with a patriot?
• I’m a protestor, right? I’m a patriot, give me that…
• What the hell’s a diaphragm?...It goes in the lady and block the babies out.
• (Singing) I’m gonna rise up, I’m gonna kick a little ass. I’m gonna kick some ass in the USA. I’m gonna climb a mountain. I’m gonna sew a flag. I’m gonna fly on an eagle. I’m gonna kick some butt. I’m gonna drive a big truck. I’m gonna kick some ass. I’m gonna rise up. I’m gonna kick some ass. Rock, Flag, and Eagle!
• Get out of here, get out of here. If you come to this bar you’re going to get cancer and die!
• I live in give-up America
• This is some bullshit. You guys have two dads, and I don’t even have one.
• You should see how hard we’re getting…
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