• Are you still harpin’ on that stupid global heating movie you saw?
• (Holding a sword) Dude, its amazing! Look at this. Bro, you can chop a camel right in the hump and drink all its milk right off the tip of this thing, man!
• People don’t appreciate their trash, Frank.
• (Holding a big, old stereo) Put this in a plastic bag and boom, shower radio, buddy!
• This is the coat that’s going to protect my other coat, man.
• (Note written by Charlie) Taked baby. Meet at later bar, night or day sometime.
• You threw your babies away! And you threw your swords away! You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats! And you know what? I found them. And I’m gonna raise all of ‘em!
• I’m sitting in my chair. I’m relaxing. I’m getting black out drunk and you’re leaving me alone.
• (After finding out Frank put acid in his beer) Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating, I drank all that shit, dude! There was like a ton of acid in there.
• Nobody minds if I do a little dancing now?
• Well, the knives are real. They’re used for magical tricks. But they’re real. You know what I mean? They’re sharp too.
• I set him on fire.
• Let’s go meet some men!
• Guys! Check out who I just met buying a crossbow. This dude is the shit!
• Dude, do you now how hard it is to find a passionate guy like that these days, they don’t make’em anymore. You should’ve seen how passionate he got when I showed him the dick flyer.
• Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
• (Dee says, “We could get Stockholm Syndrome.” Charlies replies) Oh, my God. What is that? Does that start with a sore throat? Because I think I might be getting it.
• (Charlie’s warning in the ducts) If here by now then bad place be. Trouble time for you when heat comes.
• You’re lyin, we could die, and I never got to fart in your face before!
• Secondly, someone should teach these people how to do a decent hem, don’t you think?
• I’ve been sewing my clothes back together for like, almost my entire life.
• Through you hands? Have your hands been smashed with hammers?
• Relax. I’m still gonna help you make your raincoat with a straw on it.
• I am so confused. Why does she have lightbulbs growing out of her neck?
• They do smell like sausage. It’s terrible.
• I can’t stand it! It’s un-American! Alright, goddamn it. That’s it. They’re gonna take our way of life from us. It’s bullshit. Okay, gang. Let’s solve this North Korea situation once and for all.
• Bracketing is a very intricate and difficult thing to do, man.
• (A door marked private) Oh, shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door right there? The one marked “pirate:? You think a pirate lives in there?
• (Trying to open the door at another bar with his apartment key) How many possible lock combinations can there be?...Eventually they’re going to overlap.
• Hold me sideways and use my head like a battering ram.
• I trash, yes?
• (Charlie singing) Duster, look out, man. Here comes a brother, the man is in a duster. He’s a superfine fantastic man, he loves to wear his duster.
• So you saw me eat that Hot Pocket I found in the garbage?
• We both think kissing is gross…Is it sticky? It’s, like, there’s candy and beer in your mouth.
• Uh, wait a second. You’re gonna blast my fiancée with water, exposing her breasts to this entire crowd?...That’s very cool.
• (The gang talking about getting wooed by a corporate business) I could go for some wood…Cool, we’ll get some wood. We’ll build something cool. Then we’ll go get the money…(to Dennis) How are you gonna be wood?
• Why the hell did we drop a nuclear bomb on Japan? They make all our cars. There are friends.
• Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job-land where jobs grow on jobbies?
• (Charlie singing) Hey, who’s that sexy news guy, It’s Mac. Yes, it’s Mac. And he’s on the channel whatever we make it on news. We’re gonna make it on the TV.
• Yeah, like fire hurts.
• Let’s chop cats.
• You never know though. He could have, like, a little hand or little foot or something….So this guy could have, like, a little hand and a giant body.
• No, I’m Holland Oates. You’re, like, Peter Gabriel. (Mac: Hall and Oates is two separate people) No. Holland is his first name and Oates is his last name, dude.
• I don’t even want to growl. I’m not a growler.
• Glue is for huffing, dude.
• (Charlie singing) Night Man sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams I think I love you. You make me wanna cry you make me wanna die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you , I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down. With your strong arms you pin me down. And I try to fight you, you come inside me, you fill me up. And I become the Night Man…It’s just two men sharing the night. It might seem wrong, but it’s just right. It’s just two men sharing each other. It’s just two me like lovin’ brothers. One on top and one on bottom. One inside and one is out. One is screamin’, he’s so happy. The other’s screamin’ a passionate shout. It’s the Night Man. They’re feeling so wrong and right, man. They’re feeling so wrong and right, man. I can’t fight you, man, when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the Night, the passionate, passionate, Night Man.
• (Charlie singing) They took you, Night Man, and you don’t belong to them. They locked me in a world of darkness without your sexy hands. And I miss you, Night Man, so bad.
• (Charlie singing) Dayman, fighter of the Nightman. Champion of the sun. You’re a master of karate and friendship for everyone.
• Objection. Hearsay. That’s lawyer talk. That’s the kind of stuff you have to do.
• Objection. Extremely racist, man.
• Hey, Frank, what guy hasn’t done some extensive research on his on genitalia? Alright? Don’t say ‘you’, buddy because I woke up to you doing some pretty frantic research last night, pal.
• (During the interrogation of Mrs. Mac) Objection. Leading…Irrelevant questioning…Move to strike.
• Hey, hey, I’m real sorry about that whole heroin incident in the butt, but here’s the deal. I had my butt filled like a Christmas stocking, and I wanted to come, I got a little nervous, everything came flushing out of me.
• We had a good deal going on. We hung out. We...breakin’ records, eatin’ chicken scraps.
• Now my mom, she gets so belligerent and mean when she’s drunk, dude, she’s going to drive Frank right back into my arms.
• I need you to take some of these spaghetti sauce things with all the wine in them…
• Well, I’m not surprised you’re saying that, considering I took a crap in yours.
• Mother, you might be wanting to have more of this turkey sangria, wash that crap down.
• That’s very interesting, Luther. Now that you and mother are opening a dialogue here, I don’t know if you’ve taken any time out of your dinner to notice her ample breasts.
• What you may or may not have known is my mother happens to be one hell of a whore of a man-stealing woman.
• This might appeal to the whore in you. He happens to have beautiful, sparkling, blue eyes that just pop right out of his head.
• You don’t do that! You don’t eat someone ‘cause they don’t have heroin in their ass!
• Mom, mom, can you listen to me for one second?…Don’t ever take Frank from me again! He’s mine now! I got him back, so…
• Absolutey. I hear you. We’re saying we’re gonna do the drugs and then we’re gonna try and fix all the lights.
• (Talking about cocaine) Uh, well, listen, Bingo. We got a bucket of nose clams fresh from the sea. Sweet, delicious nose clams that are looking for a home if you follow me…These are the kind of nose clams that make you want to dance the night away.
• That is the kindergarten behavior of drug dealing.
• Holy shit. Did you guys see that midget dressed like a lawn jockey?
• (After a jockey says something) Holy shit. You can talk?...I would’ve figure if anything, your voice would be like super high.
• And I was looking at the horse. The horse was looking at me. And then it hit me, I think maybe I was a centaur in my past life.
• Lawn jockeys are crazy people, man.
• Horses don’t eat cheese.
• I’m pretty sure those jockeys are raping that horse. They’re raping the shit out of it.
• Hypothetically speaking here do you think you could teach a horse to sit on a barstool and drink beer?...Would you hypothetically pay really good money to see that?
• Is it any crazier than having a dog that bites or sheds? Or a cat that poops in a box while it’s biting you?
• It’s gonna to be me and you and Peter Nicompoop.
• I love you, Peter Nicompoop.
• (Talking about junkyard dogs) They’ll run out and bite you in the nuts.
• You guys know how I love dressing up in costumes. Dude, that’s bullshit.
• Serpico doesn’t like the cat.
• I’m not doing Christopher Walken. I’m walkin’ from this situation.
• This is a stinkin’, dirty hellhole of a town. And I’m gonna clean it up.
• (Delivering an envelope that says ‘4 the Mare’) Okay, Mr. Mayor. Feast your ears on that Spin Doctors Mix…Ho-ahh!
• (Dee: It’s an edurance competition) We’re gonna be enduring free promotion on the radio.
• (After reading Paddy’s Pub is the prize) No, no. I put the bar under the “Pride” section, things that you’re proud of.
• Your illiteracy is screwing us over.
• Well you’ve never seen me wash my testicles either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t do it every Friday.
• (Being accused of having lice) That’s glitter. I tried to make myself look a little fancy for this dance competition.
• And you’re like, made of cream, and your cream is all over his face, man.
• And I’m about to show you the white-hot cream of an eighth grade boy.
• (After eating a brownie filled with sedatives) Karate, snow machine, chop set…I’m chopping all over my action, and mostly power.
No comments:
Post a Comment