Killer Karaoke (the missing link)

As promised...

The link to my karaoke-ing down in Florida!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP14BDeBnyE

Enjoy!

Classic Charlie Quotes (Season 3)

• Are you still harpin’ on that stupid global heating movie you saw?
• (Holding a sword) Dude, its amazing! Look at this. Bro, you can chop a camel right in the hump and drink all its milk right off the tip of this thing, man!
• People don’t appreciate their trash, Frank.
• (Holding a big, old stereo) Put this in a plastic bag and boom, shower radio, buddy!
• This is the coat that’s going to protect my other coat, man.
• (Note written by Charlie) Taked baby. Meet at later bar, night or day sometime.
• You threw your babies away! And you threw your swords away! You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats! And you know what? I found them. And I’m gonna raise all of ‘em!

• I’m sitting in my chair. I’m relaxing. I’m getting black out drunk and you’re leaving me alone.
• (After finding out Frank put acid in his beer) Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating, I drank all that shit, dude! There was like a ton of acid in there.
• Nobody minds if I do a little dancing now?

• Well, the knives are real. They’re used for magical tricks. But they’re real. You know what I mean? They’re sharp too.
• I set him on fire.
• Let’s go meet some men!
• Guys! Check out who I just met buying a crossbow. This dude is the shit!
• Dude, do you now how hard it is to find a passionate guy like that these days, they don’t make’em anymore. You should’ve seen how passionate he got when I showed him the dick flyer.

• Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
• (Dee says, “We could get Stockholm Syndrome.” Charlies replies) Oh, my God. What is that? Does that start with a sore throat? Because I think I might be getting it.
• (Charlie’s warning in the ducts) If here by now then bad place be. Trouble time for you when heat comes.
• You’re lyin, we could die, and I never got to fart in your face before!

• Secondly, someone should teach these people how to do a decent hem, don’t you think?
• I’ve been sewing my clothes back together for like, almost my entire life.
• Through you hands? Have your hands been smashed with hammers?
• Relax. I’m still gonna help you make your raincoat with a straw on it.
• I am so confused. Why does she have lightbulbs growing out of her neck?
• They do smell like sausage. It’s terrible.

• I can’t stand it! It’s un-American! Alright, goddamn it. That’s it. They’re gonna take our way of life from us. It’s bullshit. Okay, gang. Let’s solve this North Korea situation once and for all.
• Bracketing is a very intricate and difficult thing to do, man.
• (A door marked private) Oh, shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door right there? The one marked “pirate:? You think a pirate lives in there?
• (Trying to open the door at another bar with his apartment key) How many possible lock combinations can there be?...Eventually they’re going to overlap.
• Hold me sideways and use my head like a battering ram.
• I trash, yes?
• (Charlie singing) Duster, look out, man. Here comes a brother, the man is in a duster. He’s a superfine fantastic man, he loves to wear his duster.
• So you saw me eat that Hot Pocket I found in the garbage?
• We both think kissing is gross…Is it sticky? It’s, like, there’s candy and beer in your mouth.
• Uh, wait a second. You’re gonna blast my fiancée with water, exposing her breasts to this entire crowd?...That’s very cool.

• (The gang talking about getting wooed by a corporate business) I could go for some wood…Cool, we’ll get some wood. We’ll build something cool. Then we’ll go get the money…(to Dennis) How are you gonna be wood?
• Why the hell did we drop a nuclear bomb on Japan? They make all our cars. There are friends.
• Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job-land where jobs grow on jobbies?

• (Charlie singing) Hey, who’s that sexy news guy, It’s Mac. Yes, it’s Mac. And he’s on the channel whatever we make it on news. We’re gonna make it on the TV.
• Yeah, like fire hurts.
• Let’s chop cats.

• You never know though. He could have, like, a little hand or little foot or something….So this guy could have, like, a little hand and a giant body.
• No, I’m Holland Oates. You’re, like, Peter Gabriel. (Mac: Hall and Oates is two separate people) No. Holland is his first name and Oates is his last name, dude.
• I don’t even want to growl. I’m not a growler.
• Glue is for huffing, dude.
• (Charlie singing) Night Man sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams I think I love you. You make me wanna cry you make me wanna die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you , I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down. With your strong arms you pin me down. And I try to fight you, you come inside me, you fill me up. And I become the Night Man…It’s just two men sharing the night. It might seem wrong, but it’s just right. It’s just two men sharing each other. It’s just two me like lovin’ brothers. One on top and one on bottom. One inside and one is out. One is screamin’, he’s so happy. The other’s screamin’ a passionate shout. It’s the Night Man. They’re feeling so wrong and right, man. They’re feeling so wrong and right, man. I can’t fight you, man, when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the Night, the passionate, passionate, Night Man.
• (Charlie singing) They took you, Night Man, and you don’t belong to them. They locked me in a world of darkness without your sexy hands. And I miss you, Night Man, so bad.
• (Charlie singing) Dayman, fighter of the Nightman. Champion of the sun. You’re a master of karate and friendship for everyone.

• Objection. Hearsay. That’s lawyer talk. That’s the kind of stuff you have to do.
• Objection. Extremely racist, man.
• Hey, Frank, what guy hasn’t done some extensive research on his on genitalia? Alright? Don’t say ‘you’, buddy because I woke up to you doing some pretty frantic research last night, pal.
• (During the interrogation of Mrs. Mac) Objection. Leading…Irrelevant questioning…Move to strike.
• Hey, hey, I’m real sorry about that whole heroin incident in the butt, but here’s the deal. I had my butt filled like a Christmas stocking, and I wanted to come, I got a little nervous, everything came flushing out of me.
• We had a good deal going on. We hung out. We...breakin’ records, eatin’ chicken scraps.
• Now my mom, she gets so belligerent and mean when she’s drunk, dude, she’s going to drive Frank right back into my arms.
• I need you to take some of these spaghetti sauce things with all the wine in them…
• Well, I’m not surprised you’re saying that, considering I took a crap in yours.
• Mother, you might be wanting to have more of this turkey sangria, wash that crap down.
• That’s very interesting, Luther. Now that you and mother are opening a dialogue here, I don’t know if you’ve taken any time out of your dinner to notice her ample breasts.
• What you may or may not have known is my mother happens to be one hell of a whore of a man-stealing woman.
• This might appeal to the whore in you. He happens to have beautiful, sparkling, blue eyes that just pop right out of his head.
• You don’t do that! You don’t eat someone ‘cause they don’t have heroin in their ass!
• Mom, mom, can you listen to me for one second?…Don’t ever take Frank from me again! He’s mine now! I got him back, so…

• Absolutey. I hear you. We’re saying we’re gonna do the drugs and then we’re gonna try and fix all the lights.
• (Talking about cocaine) Uh, well, listen, Bingo. We got a bucket of nose clams fresh from the sea. Sweet, delicious nose clams that are looking for a home if you follow me…These are the kind of nose clams that make you want to dance the night away.
• That is the kindergarten behavior of drug dealing.
• Holy shit. Did you guys see that midget dressed like a lawn jockey?
• (After a jockey says something) Holy shit. You can talk?...I would’ve figure if anything, your voice would be like super high.
• And I was looking at the horse. The horse was looking at me. And then it hit me, I think maybe I was a centaur in my past life.
• Lawn jockeys are crazy people, man.
• Horses don’t eat cheese.

• I’m pretty sure those jockeys are raping that horse. They’re raping the shit out of it.
• Hypothetically speaking here do you think you could teach a horse to sit on a barstool and drink beer?...Would you hypothetically pay really good money to see that?
• Is it any crazier than having a dog that bites or sheds? Or a cat that poops in a box while it’s biting you?
• It’s gonna to be me and you and Peter Nicompoop.
• I love you, Peter Nicompoop.

• (Talking about junkyard dogs) They’ll run out and bite you in the nuts.
• You guys know how I love dressing up in costumes. Dude, that’s bullshit.
• Serpico doesn’t like the cat.
• I’m not doing Christopher Walken. I’m walkin’ from this situation.
• This is a stinkin’, dirty hellhole of a town. And I’m gonna clean it up.
• (Delivering an envelope that says ‘4 the Mare’) Okay, Mr. Mayor. Feast your ears on that Spin Doctors Mix…Ho-ahh!

• (Dee: It’s an edurance competition) We’re gonna be enduring free promotion on the radio.
• (After reading Paddy’s Pub is the prize) No, no. I put the bar under the “Pride” section, things that you’re proud of.
• Your illiteracy is screwing us over.
• Well you’ve never seen me wash my testicles either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t do it every Friday.
• (Being accused of having lice) That’s glitter. I tried to make myself look a little fancy for this dance competition.
• And you’re like, made of cream, and your cream is all over his face, man.
• And I’m about to show you the white-hot cream of an eighth grade boy.
• (After eating a brownie filled with sedatives) Karate, snow machine, chop set…I’m chopping all over my action, and mostly power.

Classic Charlie Quotes (Season 2)

• Dee, money? I mean what are you going to do at a strip club?
• (When they didn't have a coin) Why don’t we flip that piece of wood?
• Frank, if you buy me this costume I’m going to show the ladies a war hero they can’t take their eyes off of.
• You don’t do that to a vet, you don’t box in a vet, you don’t stick him in a corner…I didn’t fight no God damn war just to be boxed in…Commie ass piece of shit!
• War her, war hero coming through here, kind of a big deal, how ya doin’, war hero…war hero, so…alright, alright.

• (Talking about Israel being too dangerous) Oh yeah, you got the whole tsunami thing, and well the Superdome thing, one of the places over there.
• This is America, you can’t just come in here and steal our land…
• Do not put peanut butter on that, a grilled Charlie has peanut butter last,…peanut butter outside, chocolate inside, butter inside, cheese outside.
• Where are your balls dude, where are you balls? You’re a grown man, think about your balls…where are your balls swaying?
• …I can’t even mention your balls around you.
• Let’s throw a flaming bag of poop in the window.
• (Holding a carton of eggs) I got something that’s going to send friend on the first train back to Israel.
• (Sheets hanging in his apartment) Do you think we can make this more like a cave?
• What, you don’t think I feel sick? I’m sick, I feel very sick, but I directed the shit out of this video, this stuff is gold.
• Can I throw a bag of poop in the window?
• (After the FBI found their Jihad tape) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh, shit!

• Right, this is good, this is shady, Frank, I like this kind of stuff.
• Respect the plight!
• You’re going to cheat yourself out of a good glove.
• I’m going to get nice and drunk and play video games until my eyes bleed.

• (Looking at a calculater) What are youuuu?
• (Talking to Dee) It’s not sex I want from you…it’s sex I don’t want from Dennis.

• Girls can’t pull trucks through the snow.
• Hey guys…I can handle a chair.
• I’m going to take one second to take my shirt of, then you’re going to die!

• (When asked why he told the judge he was drunk) I thought it would get me off the hook.
• I’m not an alcoholic actually, yeah I’m only here because I got a little drunk and threw a flaming bag of feces in a building and it kinda burnt down a little bit, but I wasn’t trying to burn it down. I was trying to make the place smell real bad and trying to get ride of this guy…this guy knows what I’m talking about.
• This will be like a platonic sponsor, sponsoree type of thing (looks at the waitress’ number) sh--, I was so close.
• (To the waitress) So tell me about you. What kind of music to you listen to? What’s your favorite color? Have you ever owned a dog, do you want to own a dog?

• Yeah, I’ll be your Peter.
• I got the Lord, I got the good Lord, I got the good Lord he’s going down on me, he’s going down, I got the good Lord going down on me.
• Hear me out of a second. Technically, that stain did appear to me, also I’m familiar with carpentry and I don’t know who my father is, so…am I the Messiah? I don’t know, I could be. I’m not ruling it out.
• Here a confession, I’m in love with a man. A man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha!
• Hey Moses kick your shoes off come on and walk around this burning bush, you know that’s like asking me to take my shoes off and stand on a hot plate. I’m not going to do it…unless God asked me to do it. Then I am just like Moses, because his feet aren’t going to get burned. No, God is going to reward him with some sweet ass shoes. You risk you feet you get some shoes…Trust in God and He’ll give you shoes.

• You’re going to get your ass blasted.
• Dennis, Dennis, hobo-vertising, that’s not you. Oh, it’s cheap, it’s cheap politics. I mean, it’s not going to get us that bribe. You need to be shaking hands and kissing babies…
• Wait, so first you wash your hands of politics, then you want back on, that’s called flip-flopping, Mac, that’s what Democrats do.
• If I hear one more flip flop out of you, I’m going to throw up in my mouth.
• (Script written by Charlie for Dennis’ campaign) Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I’m hot. Taxes, they’ll be lower. The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do.
• (Reading a short note) It first says ‘meet’ and then there’s some other stuff.

• You wan to throw down with me, little actor boy? You want to throw with a patriot?
• I’m a protestor, right? I’m a patriot, give me that…
• What the hell’s a diaphragm?...It goes in the lady and block the babies out.
• (Singing) I’m gonna rise up, I’m gonna kick a little ass. I’m gonna kick some ass in the USA. I’m gonna climb a mountain. I’m gonna sew a flag. I’m gonna fly on an eagle. I’m gonna kick some butt. I’m gonna drive a big truck. I’m gonna kick some ass. I’m gonna rise up. I’m gonna kick some ass. Rock, Flag, and Eagle!
• Get out of here, get out of here. If you come to this bar you’re going to get cancer and die!
• I live in give-up America

• This is some bullshit. You guys have two dads, and I don’t even have one.
• You should see how hard we’re getting…

Classic Charlie Quotes (Season 1)

• So now you’re like a word genius and everything I say you twist around and make me look dumb.
• Mac, what’s God’s stance on blood tests?
• I will smash your face into a jelly.

• Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Give me so eyes, look at me…cool your jets…beat it!
• That’s Tammy, Trey’s ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Maureen Canallas saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timmy at a party but she was only doing it to make Trey jealous, because you know, she thought Trey secretly liked Erin Henerbry but Trey didn’t like Erin Henerbry. It was all a bunch of bullshit.

• Hey-yoooo! What’s going on? I gotta pee!
• I feel like a…like an ice cream sundae!
• You gotta crack a few eggs to make an omlette…I’m cracking eggs of wisdom!

• (After shooting the gun for the first time) I feel focused and bad-ass and…badass!
• I still kinda wish you didn’t shoot me.

• (After Dennis’ grandpa asked Charlie for some help) I’m not very comfortable with that, first of all I don’t even know which one of these I would unplug…
• It’s always fun to burn things.

• I gotta say my favorite part at the end there, when we were all hugging, my sister screamed and told everyone I touched her vagina…
• And the best part actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks I got molested, so in a way, my life is ruined, in the mean time, I’m going to go to the back office and cry and cry and cry and drink for awhile.

While Throwing Bones...

So I was throwing bones with the family tonight (playing dominoes)...and the following conversation took place:

my mom said, "Darn, I got the fat one" (one domino was fatter than the others)
then I said, "That's what she said"
then she said, "I don't get it...yes, I got the fat one to fit" (in the domino tray)
then I said, "That's what she said"
then she said, "Someone is going to have to seriously explain this to me!"

72 Reasons Why Andrew Jackson is the Most Bad-Ass President of the United States of America

Gaunt but striking, with a formidable head of white hair, sixty-five years old that winter, stood six-foot one and weight 140 pounds over a midday glass of whiskey in the White House…

1.“I was born a storm and a calm does not suit me.” ~Andrew Jackson
2.God was the only will Jackson ever bowed to, and he did not do even that without a fight.
3.At a young age, when some boys played practical jokes on him (putting extra gun powder in a musket which recoiled more than expected and put him to the ground), he threatened to kill them if they laughed.
4.At 14, he tried to fight the British, but was captured. Instead of being submissive to their power by shining their boots, he refused and asked to be treated as a POW. He got a large scare on his forehead after being struck with the blunt end of a sword.
5.He models himself as being triumphant over a larger foe by comparing himself to King David.
6.His all-time favorite hero was Scotland’s William Wallace.
7.Soon after completing law school, he challenged the first lawyer he ever tried a case against to a duel.
8.Andrew Jackson told Robards, the current husband of his eventual wife, “If I had such a wife, I would not willingly bring a tear to her beautiful eyes.” To which Robards replies, “Well perhaps...she is not your wife.” Two year later, Andrew Jackson married her.
9.While being chased by Indians, Andrew Jackson rowed across river rapids to save him and two friends. One friend said, “You were within an ace, sir, of being dashed to pieces.” Andrew Jackson responded, “A miss is as good as a mile, it only shows how close I can graze danger, but we have no time to lose, follow me and I will save you yet.”
10.A man made a remark about his wife so, naturally, Andrew Jackson challenged him to a duel. He let the man shoot first which struck him in the chest. Andrew Jackson, then, looked up cooly and shot the man dead. The bullet remained with Andrew Jackson the rest of his life.
11.After being shot by this man, he looked down at his severe wound and said without flinching, “If he had shot me through the brain, I still would have killed him.”
12.While Andrew Jackson was a judge, he was overseeing a case where a man cut off the ears of his child during a drunken episode. He refused to turn himself in and the sheriff was too scared to go, so he asked Jackson to come along. Jackson went up to the door and said, “Now, surrender, you infernal villain, this instant or I’ll blow you through.” The man walked outside, dropped his guns and said, “I will surrender to you, sir, but no one else.
13.During an Indian battle many soldiers were sick and sounded when the government refused them any more wagons or horses. Jackson, then, made all officers including himself give up their horse. “Not a man, sir, must be left behind.”
14.When Jackson saw a man who previously insulted a friend, he chased after him with a horsewhip and a pistol. Jackson was shot and wounded but still tried to kill the man. Later surgeons said his armed needed to be amputated. Andrew Jackson simply replied, “I’ll keep my arm.”
15.Andrew Jackson imposed martial law in New Orleans during the War of 1812 and defied the writ of habeas corpus. Year later, Lincoln cited Jackson’s precedent during the Civil War.
16.His victory in New Orleans was cited as being reminiscent of Shakespeare’s Henry V at Agincourt.
17.After New Orleans, a priest thanked God for sending Jackson and said, “It is Him we intend to praise, when considering you general, as the man of His right hand.”
18.During an Indian battle, find a young boy on the battle fields after losing his mother and father. Andrew Jackson adopted him on the spot and considering him his son. His name was Lyncoya.
19.President Monroe asked General Jackson to subdue the Seminole threat in Florida, which was occupied by the Spanish. Instead, he conquered both the Seminoles and Spanish and acquired Florida for the United States. Although he overstepped his boundaries and people in Washington criticized him for what he did, he never even got his hand slapped.
20.When Jackson took office the railroad system was a dream. When he left there was 3,200 miles of track in the United States.
21.During Jackson’s years in power liberal arts colleges were found more than twice the rate of previous decades.
22.The White House after Jackson’s inauguration was overwhelmed by excited citizens. It was so crowded that all the food and alcohol was taken out to the lawns, so people started jumping through windows.
23.During this era, when people got sick they went to a doctor to get bleed, but Jackson didn’t need a doctor for this. He bled himself…for internal hemorrhaging.
24.At the beginning of our country’s history, men in office typically remained in office from one president to the next. The most changes prior to Jackson was 39 by Thomas Jefferson. When Jackson took office, he replaced 919 offices, which about 10 percent of the entire federal government.
25.He firmly believed he was coming to power after a long period of sustained official corruption- he called the government “the Augean Stable,” seeing himself as Hercules and viewed what he broadly referred to as “reform” as a moral as well as political task.
26.A postmaster, fearing he would be dismissed from his position because Jackson’s supporters called for his removal, pleaded with Jackson by stripping himself naked and showed the wounds inflicted on him by the British. He remained in his position to much of the chagrin of his supporters and Jackson stated, “By the Eternal! I will not remove the old man- I cannot remove the old man, I cannot remove him… do you not know that he carries more than a pound of British lead in his body?”
27.Some of his Cabinet members disagreed with the appointment of the Secretary of War. Andrew Jackson replied in a letter, “I did not come here to make a Cabinet for the ladies of this place, but for the nation.”
28.Andrew Jackson was a devout Protestant. When a powerful minister from Philadelphia tried to convinced Jackson the presidency was only worthy for Christians, Jackson embarrassed him by explaining one of the country’s greatest strengths was freedom of religion, a freedom that also gave the skeptical the right to live unmolested and unevangelized.
29.Another minister in Washington tried to attack Jackson for not making Christianity a focus in his presidency and unwillingness to condemn other religions. Jackson replied in a speech, “With regard to the tale of the clergyman, it seems to me to be so inconsistent with the charities of the Christian religion, and so opposed to the character of an ambassador of Christ, that it gives me pain to read it.”
30.The removal of Indians has been a plan for every president prior to Jackson in hopes to gain more land. Jackson was the first one to believe Indians were a mortal threat to the security of a nation.
31.The Bank of the United States was free of check and balances and acted without regard to government and had the ability to influence politics without reprimand. Jackson felt the president of the United States and no one else, and certainly not a banker, spoke for a free people.
32.Andrew Jackson’s adopted nephew had a son and asked a friend of the family and Martin Van Buren to be the Godparent’s. However, when the minister asked the two if the would renounce the devil and his works for the child, all you could here at the church was Andrew Jackson saying, “I do, sir, renounce them all.” The author noted that no little girl had more of a sincere protector speak for her at such moment.
33.Andrew Jackson vowed to veto any bill that came to him if it only benefitted a state rather than the entire nation.
34.During a stretch of three day, Jackson vetoed 4 bills.
35.Andrew Jackson was the first to theorize that Congress should ask him what laws to vote on, so they won’t waste time voting on something he will veto. This Jacksonian theory in regards to the president’s power to veto was used by Teddy Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and FDR.
36.Jackson decided, without consultation or consent of Congress, that states were no longer allowed to make treaties with one another without consent of the federal government.
37.Jackson was the first to coin the term “Democratic Party” which is similar to the one we see today.
38.John Q. Adams wrote in his diary, “General Jackson rules by his personal popularity, which his partisans in the Senate dare not encounter by opposing anything he does.”
39.Although Supreme Court Chief Justice John Marshall did not support the idea of removing Indians, he allowed the improper hanging of an Indian in Georgia, because he was afraid to oppose Andrew Jackson.
40.Even though when talked about he was called the president, but when addressing him, he was always the General.
41.Andrew Jackson was the first president to create his own newspaper to eliminate partisanship.
42.“Bloodthirsty bids for power often provoke equally bloodthirsty reactions, especially when the target is a man like Jackson, whose own appetite for control and for the elimination of enemies knew few bounds.”
43.“Qualifications for President avast there, Sparta hath many a wiser son than he…” ~George Bancroft
44.(On hearing the Senate didn’t accept Van Buren as French Ambassador) “By the Eternal! I’ll smash them!” ~Jackson
45.Andrew Jackson mandated all messages from foreign ministries, that were once addressed to the President and Congress of the United States, to just “To the President of the United States of America” because he felt foreign intercourse should be vested only in the executive branch.
46.“The Bank (of the United States) is trying to kill me, but I will kill it.” ~Jackson
47.(Discussing the Bank of the United States) “But when laws undertake to add to these natural and just advantages artificial distinctions, to grant titles, gratuities, and exclusive privileges, to make the rich richer and the potent more powerful, the humble members of society- the farmers, mechanics, and laborers- who have neither the time or the means of securing like favors to themselves, have a right to complain of the injustice of their Government.” ~Andrew Jackson
48.Andrew Jackson gave more power to the presidency in vetoing a bill of The Bank of the United States based on its constitutionality, which is significant because he felt he was bound to interpret the laws as he understood them regardless of what the court said.
49.During his 1832 campaign, Andrew Jackson began to set up and attend “Hickory Clubs” across the country, which were barbeques promote Jackson’s cause. One of these “Hickory Clubs” took place in Lexington, Kentucky, just miles from Ashland, Kentucky where his opponent Henry Clay was from.
50.“I had no doubt that if a war came, as some feared it must, General Jackson would hang those gentlemen if he could get hold of them…and there would be a bloody war of it.” ~John Randolph
51.General Jackson instead of lashing out, isolated South Carolina rhetorically by appearing reasonable about the general principles at stake. With his secret military preparations, he bolstered the spirits of the Union Party in the sate and put the federal government in position to fight if things came to that.
52.“My duty is emphatically pronounced in the Constitution…Discussion by armed force is treason. Are you really ready to incur its guilt?...On your unhappy state will inevitably fall all the evils of the conflict you force upon the government of the country. It cannot accede to the mad project of disunion, of which you would be the first victims.” ~Andrew Jackson
53.“I pray God to preserve your life…that you may preserve this Union.” ~James A. Hamilton
54.A Unionist told Jackson that his supporters comforted themselves with the cry: “What have we to fear, we are right and God and Old Hickory are with us.”
55.“…came away with a still warmer feeling towards Old Hickory, who, I swear, is one the truest old caballeros I have ever known.” ~Washington Irving (caballero meaning: knightly, courtly gentleman, calm rather than angry.)
56.On May 7, 1833, Jackson named a postmaster for New Salem, Illinois, a lawyer who had lost a race for state legislature, Abraham Lincoln, his first governmental post.
57.Robert Randolph assaulted the General and bloodied his face, but stopped the assailant with his stare.
58.JQ Adams cousin recalled that parents in the Northeast sometimes invoked the name of Andrew Jackson to frighten misbehaving children.
59.According to Harriet Martineau, a New England Sunday school teacher once asked a child who killed Abel. The answer: “General Jackson.”
60.When asked what he would do if Congress called for impeachment with Jackson’s incessantness on dissolving the Bank of the United States, Jackson replied, “Then, sir, I would resign the presidency and return to Hermitage.”
61.“Sooner than restore the deposits or recharter the bank I would undergo the torture of ten Spanish inquisitions. Sooner than live in a country where such a power prevails I would seek an asylum in the wilds of Arabia.” ~Andrew Jackson
62.On the refusal of repayment of money from France to America, French diplomat, Serurier said, “The president could not be stopped, his iron with subdued all resistance.”
63.Under Andrew Jackson, on January 8, 1835, the first and only time in our nation’s history, the National Debt was completely paid off.
64.When an assailant attempted to murder General Jackson, both guns failed and Jackson began brandishing him with his walking stick.
65.After examining the gun, it was later determined the odds of two guns failing during the attack was 125,000 to one.
66.On Jackon’s death bed he said, “Do not cry, I hope to meet you all in Heaven, yes, all in Heaven, white and black.”
67.After his death, a visitor asked a slave what she thought about Jackson getting into heaven to which she replied, “If the General wants to go, who’s going to stop him?”
68.In Abraham Lincoln’s first inaugural address, he consulted Jackson’s Proclaimation to the People of South Carolina.
69.“Jackson had many faults, but he was devotedly attached to the Union, and he had no thought of fear when it came to defending his country…with the exception of Washington and Lincoln, no man has left a deeper mark on American History.” ~Theodore Roosevelt.
70.“For Jackson, the presidency, in this light, was not an arm of government but its heart, beating vitally.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
71.FDR was so fascinated by Jackson that he walked with support of braces in pain(refusing to use ramps because this occasion was too important) through Hermitage to pay tribute to Jackson.
72.In 1945, Harry Truman put a small bronze of Jackson in the Oval Office and drew Jacksonian imagery to build on the New Deal.

When in Vogue...

A group of people and I went to the Vogue last night to listen to the bands “Dot Dot Dot” and “Hairbangers Ball.” Towards the end of Dot Dot Dot’s performance a few of us wiggled up to the front, close to the band (stage right obviously near the hot bassist! ) to start jamming out. We danced and sang for a few songs like “Take on Me” and “Jump.” They, then, finished their set and the crowd began to disperse for drinks and bathroom breaks and so forth.

All of a sudden, someone tapped me on the back of my shoulder. It was some girl my age plus or minus two years (I was a few deep at this point so I wasn’t entirely sure). And the following is the conversation between us.

Girl: Are you wearing big pants?
Scott: Nope, why would you say that?
Girl: Well, it seemed like when you were dancing, you were holding up your pants.
Scott: Nope, I’m wearing a belt. (I show her my belt, proving to her I wasn’t lying)
Girl: Ohh, okay.
Scott: Yup.

We then part ways. The End.

Killer Karaoke

Sorry for the delay, I have been waiting to upload a video, but it still hasn't been sent to me.

At Midyear in Orlando, I checked out a few VA (Veteran Affairs) Hospitals across the country, including Jesse Brown VA in Chicago. This is the second most popular VA receiving 150 applicants, interviewing 60 students, and accepting on 8 residents per year. I decided to give it a try even though the chances are against me because I want to live in Chicago. So I go there and talk to a current resident for about 10 or 15 minutes about various things. She tells me the 8 current residents there are like a big family, and they seem to all be very energetic and very enjoyable people to be around. So I left, liking the program, but knowing that my credentials won’t stand out enough and I don’t have enough connections to get an interview. I begin to focus solely on my two other options.

Fast forward to the next night.

Universal Studios closed down for everyone attending the conference. We all went, rode a few rides, and enjoyed a complimentary drink. When this closed down, a huge group with Butler decided to check out this karaoke bar called Rising Star. Now, first of all, this wasn’t your ordinary karaoke bar. The stage consisted of a full band and two back up singers.

However, we asked the bartender how long it would take for us to get up there and sing, and they said it was pretty much full. But I, of course, won’t take that as an answer and fill out a card anyway: “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, a definite crowd pleaser. Anyway, an hour or two passes and none of us have gone up. In the meantime, Lorenz gets into conversation with a waitress about opening up the bar closer to us, which unfortunately never happened. To make it up, she asked him if any of us wanted to go up there and sing. He selected me for my outstanding voice. Another fifteen minutes goes by when I see, “next up Scott V.” on the screen. I run around the entire bar telling every person from Butler that I will be on next.
They called my name so I go up there and do my shout-out to Butler University. In front of the stage, which was occupied by only four or five people all night, was swarmed by everyone at Butler. So I sing my song, show my stage presence, and get crowd involved. I finish my song, thank the MC, thank the back up singers and go down and get high fives and hugs from the Butler crowd.

I settled down, got a beer, and waited for the next singer. I, then, got a pat on the shoulder. It was girl I talked to from the Chicago VA the day before. She told me I did an awesome job (maybe she was tone-deaf too) and that I was the type of person they look for when they interview candidates. She then introduced me to two other co-residents and said she would tell everyone else about me. She then told me to send her an email to remind her again of my name and match it up with my resume, and she will get me an interview at the hospital. I was shocked, I really didn’t think I had an opportunity to be on the radar at this location, but now, because of my karaoke-ing ability, I may have a chance at getting a residency position in Chicago. I surely don’t have my hopes up by any means, but the fact that she said she make an effort to get me an interview was awesome.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP14BDeBnyE

Germaphobic Security Guard

While in Orlando, a whole group of us went out to Citywalk at Universal Studios to have a few drinks. We ended up at a karaoke bar and stayed until 2AM, when it shut down, so we had to leave. A handful of us didn’t want to pack it up and head home yet, so I went up to one of the security guards and asked him if there was any other place to go in Orlando at this time. He told me no and that the entire city basically closes at 2:30. So I thanked him and stuck out my hand for a nice hand shake, but all he gave me was “rocks.” So I said, “Why don’t you shake my hand, are you a germaphobe?” He replied, “No, it’s just there are a lot of drunk people here, I don’t know where their hands have been, and I don’t want to catch anything.” Without skipping a beat, I pull up the sleeve and show him a Band-Aid and said, “Don’t worry, I just got my flu shot this morning.” He then said, “Well in that case…” and started shaking my hand!

A side note for any of you who don’t find this funny…after a person gets a flu shot, it takes days to weeks for the body to mount a response and create antibodies against future flu infections. Well that, and the flu shot doesn’t protect from germs being passed on from hand to hand contact!

Backdoor Mooching

So I left my shampoo and body soap in DC a few weeks back because I didn’t want to drag it back home. So I gave it to Lorenz because I knew he would mooch it anyway...So fast forward about two weeks. I am in DC for a pharmacy conference and Lorenz comes and brings what? That’s right, the shampoo and body soap I gave to him earlier, which is fine. But he was like, ohh did you see I brought your shampoo and body soap, you can use it if you want!

Yes, Lorenz thought he was being nice by allowing me to use the soap I gave him. Ain’t he a f-ing sweetheart, damn mooch!

A Tip?!

Last night, my pharmacist gave me a letter dropped off by a patient earlier in the week. I helped this patient out by getting his insurance straightened out in order to get an early refill on medication prior to a vacation out of the country (which is a pretty standard situation in the pharmacy). I put the envelope in my pocket and decided I would read it at break when I had more time. Inside the envelope was a business card which said “Thank you for your efficient and courteous service” along with a twenty dollar bill.

Holy crap, a tip for pharmacy. This really blew my mind. In a normal situation, when a person tries to offer you money at the pharmacy, you kindly say ‘no thanks.’ But what do you do if someone does this for you when they aren’t there? I mean, a banana bread or zucchini bread or homemade cookies is one thing (mmm, which has seldom happened since pharmacy became a corporation) but money, there is no way I could possibly keep this. My mother as made a good point, I need to make sure I am kind in the way I respond as to not hurt this gentleman’s feelings.

So here is my response to this patient in the form of a Christmas card.

Dear Mr. B-----,
Thank you for your generous gift. It really makes work more meaningful when people are so gracious. Unfortunately, I am unable to accept this money. Even though it is very nice to see someone, as yourself, reach and show your appreciation, it is unnecessary. The only gesture I need to keep me motivated day in and day out, the only thing that can justify what I do that I am able accept is kind words and a warm smile. This is all I want, in which you have already given me. It does truly mean the world to me that you would go out of your way to show your kindness.
I feel it is my duty as a future pharmacist and future health care provider to do what I can to help my patients. And I hope anyone who has taken their oath or will take their oath, as I will in 6 months, would do the same for you or anyone else in need.
As for the $20, I decided to donate it to the Salvation Army at one of their collection posts. I feel, since I have already benefited from your kind acts, I will pay it forward to someone who needs it more, especially during this harsh financial and climatic months.

Happy Holidays,
Scott Vouri
Butler University

I hope everyone can experience a moment like this. Helping someone who can really benefit from it purely out of the kindness of your heart, it is really a humbling experience.

Dear President George Washington

Dear President George Washington,

Thank you for allowing me to take a picture with you a few weeks back. I am sorry for using improper grammar, I blame it on the schools, haha….just kidding. I have been thinking about one of your famous statements declaring your dislike for the two party system. I understand why you were against it, but it’s been over 200 years and although there have been disagreements, it hasn’t ruined our government. I don’t know how well you’ve been keeping up with politics lately but the ideals of the two parties now are similar to the political parties during your hay day. First are the Democratic-Republicans championed by Thomas Jefferson and similar to the Democratic Party of today. They believe in equality and helping others to achieve the great American dream. Second are the Federalists, having John Adams as a predominant figure and similar to the Republican Party of today. They believe in less government and allow people to improve their livelihood through hard work.

These two political ideals made sense to me. Although, I agree with one over the other based on further differences, I feel these two parties balance each other out and give the people a choice on what ideals they have, which allow them to identify with a specific party. However, I feel with increasing ignorance, times are starting to change. This scares me.

I feel the Republican party is becoming divided. This further segregates the party into either a fiscal conservative (Libertarian) or a social conservative. The ideals of a fiscal conservative do make sense. They work hard for their money, so why should people take it away? Although, I do have qualms with certain things, I feel they are justified for believing the way they do.

Now to the point of my letter, which deal with the influences and attitudes of the social conservative. These people base their political decisions on the Bible! Don’t laugh, GW, I’m not kidding. If you ask them, “why do you believe this?” a majority of their answers to this question may very well be: “because that’s what the Bible says.” Pretty scary, eh? It’s a very unfortunate circumstance, especially after you and the other esteemed politicians did such a magnificent job separating church from state. It is just sad to think intellectualism is being replaced by people who can’t think for themselves and use words written by another person to justify their morals, values, beliefs, and ideals. (To clarify, these are the most extreme kind of social conservatives like Governor Sarah Palin.) And worse, their population is growing! These are the same people who believe all condoms, birth control pills, and all other forms of contraception is a sin. (And just to let you know, the above devices used to prevent pregnancy.) So these people are reproducing just as fast as rabbits and which means their way of thinking can only increase. I fear this may be the beginning of the end of the core values of American instated by you and your friends. Do you have any suggestions to help preserve America in hopes that 200 years from now, we still exist with the values we have today?

Sincerely,
Scott Vouri

PS: On a positive note, we recently elected the first Black president in history. This may prove there is still hope for our country and there is still hope for the American people.

Trekking Home

I know everyone has been waiting for this post in dire anticipation (Lorenz) but without further adieu, my trek back from DC and any hilarity that ensued.

So I was in the Atlanta airport for a layover. I was on my way to the bathroom when I see this guy’s shirt. It said “Made in IL (Illinois).” I started busted out laughing which continued throughout the process known as micturation (I was pissing). Made in Illinois, ohh the possibilities. So here is my rant>>> So what is with this guy’s shirt, was it literally made in Illinois, maybe a suburb of Chicago or maybe in the ghettoes of East St. Louis to the south? I hope this becomes fashionable. I want to see new NIKE t-shirts that say “Made in Taiwan” in bold letters above the “Swoosh.” Or how about this plain green Old Navy sweatshirt that I’m wearing right now; we can spice it up by encrypting it with “Made in Lesotho.” Pop history question: where the hell is Lesotho? Answer: it, along with the country of Swaziland, is one of the two countries completely surrounded by the nation of South Africa. Didn’t think you would learn something on this today, did ya?…well there is more to come (foreshadowing). I digress. I also laughed at this shirt for another reason as well (yup, a twofor). “Made in IL.” I wonder if he wears this because he was conceived in the state of Illinois. I imagine him as a very proud man walking with his chin up proudly proclaiming, “Yes, my parents did have sex in Illinois, which ultimately led to the arrival of me in the world. Truly a fine day!” Ohh yes my friend, for me that day, was truly a fine day!

On my journey toward the town of Michigan City, I finished the book I was reading, Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh. I want to share with you, my readers, my favorite word used throughout the book, my favorite paragraph of the book, and where the title Trainspotting comes from for all those who have seen the movie (starring the gifted Ewan MacGregor) and not read the book.

1)Soap-dodger- a person that smells bad (you Scottish folk are absolutely brilliant with your diction!)

2)Alright, so on a side note Irvine Welsh writes phonetically as the people of Scotland talk. So I encourage you to read this excerpt aloud if you have trouble understanding it. And another side-note that it is true one of the characters name in this book is Spud.

“The woman and her friend are being chatted up by a guy with a round, puff face, and an open-neck shirt which strains at his bloated guts. Renton, who has cheerfully undisguised prejudice against overweight people takes an opportunity to indulge it. –Spud: deek the fat radge. Gluttonous bastard. Ah dinnae go fir aw that shite aboot it bein a glandular or metabolic thing. Ye dinnae see any fat bastards on tv footage fi Ethiopia. Dae they no huv glands ower thair?”

See, I wasn’t kidding, a tough read…this was a mere one paragraph in a 350 page novel…it made it exciting that’s for sure.

3)The reason for the title Trainspotting is completely missed while the script was written for the movie version. In the book, the gang is walking back to their homes in the town of Leith, Scotland. It was after some major party so they are all nice and drunk. They stop by an old train station which is about to be torn down to make place for a supermarket to urinate in the bathrooms. And elderly drunk man comes in and asks the gang, “What are you guys up to, trainspotting I suppose?” To which Begbie responds in typical drunken response followed by the elderly drunk man again, “I’ll leave you to it, keep up the trainspotting.” And that was it. That is why the book is named the way it is named. So if you are watching the movie and trying to figure out the how actions or possessions are symbolism for something (like my sister did), you are wasting your time. It is just something an old, drunk man says in the book.

Don’t worry I didn’t forget about the foreshadowing I mentioned previously. Here is a little historic and ironic history lesson.

It has to do with our 7th President of the United States Andrew Jackson, who is probably the most bad ass president we have ever had! And don’t worry, I will soon be reading a biography on him called American Lion, to which, I will include several posts proving why he is such a bad-ass! Anyway, one of two of Andrew Jackson’s, who is easily recognized on the $20 bill, which, of course is paper money, main political platforms during his run for the presidency was to eliminate all paper money and have the United States use precious medals like gold and silver as currency. This never went through due to the fact that his other platform took a majority of his time: bitch-slapping the Bank of the United States!